跳着舞老去

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I believe in dancing. I believe it is in my nature to dance 1)by virtue of the beat of my heart, the pulse of my blood and the music in my mind. So I dance daily.

The seldom-used dining room of my house is now an often-used ballroom―an open space with a hardwood floor, stereo, and a disco ball. The CD-2)changer has six discs at the ready: waltz, swing, country, 3)rock-and-roll, 4)salsa, and 5)tango.

Each morning when I walk through the house on the way to make coffee, I turn on the music, hit the “6)shuffle” button, and it’s Dance Time! And I dance alone to whatever is playing. It’s a form of existential 7)aerobics, a moving meditation.

Tango is a recent enthusiasm. It’s a complex and difficult dance, so I’m up to three lessons a week, three nights out dancing, and I’m off to 8)Buenos Aires for three months of immersion in tango culture.

The first time I went tango dancing I was too intimidated to get out on the floor. I remembered another time I had stayed 9)on the sidelines, when the dancing began after a village wedding on the Greek island of 10)Crete. The fancy footwork confused me. “Don’t 11)make a fool of yourself,” I thought. “Just watch.”

Reading my mind, an older woman dropped out of the dance, sat down beside me, and said, “If you join the dancing, you will feel foolish. If you do not, you will also feel foolish. So, why not dance?” And, she said she had a secret for me. She whispered, “If you do not dance, we will know you are a fool. But if you dance, we will think well of you for trying.”

Recalling her wise words, I took up the challenge of tango. A friend asked me if my tango-12)mania wasn’t a little ambitious. “Tango? At your age? You must 13)be out of your mind!”

On the contrary: It’s a deeply pondered decision. My passion for tango disguises a fearfulness. I fear the shrinking of life that goes with aging. I fear the boredom that comes with not learning and not taking chances. I fear the dying that goes on inside you when you leave the game of life to wait in the final checkout line.

I seek the sharp, scary pleasure that comes from beginning something new―that calls on all my resources and challenges my mind, my body, and my spirit, all at once.

My goal now is to dance all the dances as long as I can, and then to sit down contented after the last elegant tango some sweet night and pass on because there wasn’t another dance left in me.

So, when people say, “Tango? At your age? Have lost your mind?” I answer, “No, and I don’t intend to.”

我崇尚舞蹈。我相信，随着我的心跳、脉搏以及心中的音乐去跳舞是我的天性。所以我每天都跳舞。

我家里那个很少用的饭厅，现在经常被用作“舞厅”――这个宽敞的空间铺了硬木地板，配有立体音响装置，还吊着个舞厅闪球。我的自动换碟机里备好了6张唱片：华尔兹舞曲、摇摆乐、乡村音乐、摇滚乐、萨尔萨舞曲和探戈舞曲。

每天早上，当我穿过房间准备走去煮咖啡时，我都会播放音乐，并摁下“随机”键。跳舞的时间到了！不管放的是什么曲子，我都会随着音乐独自起舞。这是一种表现存在的有氧运动，一种移动的冥想。

我最近很迷恋探戈。这是一种复杂而难跳的舞蹈，所以我一周要去上三次课，并花三个晚上出去跳舞。我还打算去布宜诺斯艾利斯待三个月，在那里完全地沉浸于探戈文化中。

第一次去上探戈舞蹈课的时候，我非常害怕，都不敢踏足舞池。我还记得，有一次在希腊克里特岛上，一场乡村婚礼之后舞会开始了，而我却一直待在旁边不敢跳。那多变的步法让我眼花缭乱。“别让自己出丑了，”我心想，“就在一旁看看吧。”

一位比我年长的女士看出了我的心思，她从舞场中退出来坐在我旁边说道：“进来一起跳，你会觉得很傻。不进来跳，你一样会觉得傻。既然这样，干嘛不跳呢？”然后，她说要告诉我一个秘密。她低声说道：“如果你不跳，我们就会知道你是个傻瓜。可是如果你跳了，我们就会因为你敢于尝试而觉得你很棒。”

想起她那番充满智慧的话，我接受了探戈的挑战。一个朋友问我，我对探戈的狂热是不是太狂野了。“探戈？你这个年纪？你一定是疯了！”

恰恰相反：这是我深思熟虑之后的决定。我对探戈的热情掩盖了一种恐惧。我害怕生命随着年龄的增长而畏缩。我害怕因为不再学习和不再把握机会而产生的无聊。我害怕退出生命竞赛只待最后大限这过程中的内心凋萎。

我追寻那种随着新事物出现而产生的强烈惊喜――这就要求我全身心投入，对我的心智、身体和勇气同时进行挑战。

我现在的目标就是：跳完所有我能跳的舞蹈，然后，在某个美好的夜晚，跳完最后一支优雅的探戈后，满意地坐下来，离开世界――因为我再也没有一支未曾跳过的舞了。

所以，当人们说：“探戈？你这个年纪？疯了吧？”我会回答说：“没有啊，我才不要疯呢。”

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