怪物史瑞克3

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史上最著名的怪物之一――Shrek又回来了！这一次，他不再对诸多热门大片进行颠覆性的恶搞，而是对诸多朋友耳熟能详的童话主角进行了充满想象的发挥。

[一] 卧室倾谈

Shrek: That’s it! We’re learning!

Fiona: Calm down.

Shrek: Calm down? Who do you think we’re kidding? I’m an ogre. I’m not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be.

Fiona: I think that went well.

Shrek: Donkey!

Donkey: Come on, Shrek!

Cat: Some people just don’t understand boundaries.

Fiona: Just think. A couple more days and we’ll be back home in our vermin-filled shack stream with fung us, and filled with the stench of mud and neglect.

Shrek: Oh, you had me at “vermin-filled”.

Fiona: And. Um... maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor.

Shrek: Haha. That’s right, the swamp rats will be spawning.

Fiona: Uh... no .What I’m thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat.

Shrek: Donkey?

Fiona: No, Shrek. What if theoretically, they were little ogre feet?

Shrek: Oh. Honey. Let’s be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop, and they cry, then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry. Now image an ogre baby, they extra-cry and they extra-poop.

Fiona: Shrek, don’t you ever think about having a family.

Shrek: Right now, you’re my family.

[二] 临终嘱托

Shrek: Well, somebody will be dying.

(coughing)

(Harold) Frog King: I’m dying. (Coughing)

(Lillian) Queen: Harold?

Harold： Don’t forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.

Lillian: Of course, darling.

Harold： Fiona.

Fiona: Yes, Daddy?

Harold： I know I made many mistakes with you.

Fiona: It’s OK.

Harold： But your love for Shrek has taught me so much. My dear boy. I am proud to call you my son.

Shrek: And I’m proud to call you my frog-king dad-in-law.

Harold： Now there is a matter of business to attend to.

(Coughing)

Cat:The Frog King.. is dead.(Fiona is crying)

Donkey: Put your hat back on foot.

Harold： Shrek. Please come hither.

Shrek: Yeah, Dad?

Harold： This Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne.

Shrek: Oh, haha. Next in line. You see, Dad, that’s why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you’re still making jokes. Haha. Come on, Dad. An ogre as king? I don’t think that is not such a good idea. And there must be somebody else. Anybody.

Harold： Asode from you. There is only one remaining heir.

Shrek: Really? Who is he, Dad?

Harold： His name is ... is ... (Silence ... ) ... His name is Arthur.

Shrek: Arthur.

Harold： I know you’ll do what’s right.

Lillian: Harold?

Shrek: Dad? Dad? Dad?

Donkey: Do your thing, man.

[三] 夺位

Fiona: Charming, let go of her.

Charming: But why would I want to do that? (Kissing)

Fiona: What?

Charming: Say Hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away.

Fiona: Rapunzel, how could you?

Rapunzel: Jealous much?

Charming: Soon you’ll be back where you started, scrubbing floors or locked away in towers. That’s if I let you last week.

Rapunzel: But, Pookie, you promised not to hurt them.

Charming: Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later. Now, forgive us. We have a show to put on.

Fiona: Shrek will be back soon, Charming, and you’ll be sorry.

Charming: Sorry?! Don’t you realize once Shrek sets foots in Far Far Away, he is doomed?