扔给我救生索的那个男人

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The summers of my youth were filled with the kinds of activities that were common to every kid in the 80s but are considered almost death-defying[藐视] these days： tree climbing， bike riding without a helmet， and daylong[一整天的] road trips spent in the backseat of the family car， where we bounced[弹跳] around like balls， nary[连……也没有] a seat belt in sight[看得见].

Still， my mother was safety-obsessed[着迷] about some things， like swimming lessons. Year after year， she forced me to take them at our local pool. Having to go against my will seemed all the more[更加] unfair to me， since my mother could not swim and was actually afraid of the water. But my mother reasoned[推断] that if water came between her children and their safety， she would be helpless.

She knew how unexpectedly[出乎意料地] life can rob you of someone you care about. My dad was an electrician[电工]， and he died in an accident on the job when I was three. After his death， my mother had to raise us alone， and she was aware that she was truly on her own. She was fiercely[非常] strong and yet constantly[时常] fearful.

I have almost no memories of my father. Instead I remember Mike Fieseler. He was a former industrial-arts teacher whom my mother dated off and on[断断续续地] for much of my childhood. My brother Jason and I weren’t his biggest fans. When they stopped dating， when I was 15， I wasn’t unhappy to see him go.

Then， on February 18th， 1991， when I was 17， my mother suddenly died of a brain aneurysm[脑动脉瘤]. One minute she was laughing with friends， enjoying an evening out； the next， she was unconscious[无意识的] on the floor. She never woke up. Just 19 hours later， she was dead， leaving my 15-year-old brother and me orphans[孤儿].

In the moments of shock and horror that followed， my relatives all gathered in the hospital. Jason and I spent that night on our own. I was numb[麻木的]； it had all happened so fast. I could barely[几乎不] think beyond the immediate[即刻的] moment. The next morning， I knew I had to let people know what had happened. I saw my mother’s address book lying where she had set it only days before and started dialing[拨号]. One of the phone numbers I found was Mike’s.

Even though he lived about an hour away， it felt like he was there in an instant[瞬间]. As soon as he walked in， he took charge―and took care of Jason and me. Among other small kindness，he gave me a credit card and said， “Why don’t you buy something to wear to the funeral[葬礼]？” He gave me permission[允许] to be a 17-year-old―to focus on the more mundane[平凡的] issue of what I was going to wear instead of weighty[沉重的]concerns.

Generally， when children are orphaned， a family member comes forward to take them in. This didn’t happen in our case. Everyone had a good reason， I suppose. But I can tell you this： abandonment[抛弃]， even for very good reasons， feels awful. It was heartbreaking and terrifying to have lost the person we loved most and then to be set adrift[抛弃……于不顾].

And， once again， there was Mike. After the funeral， he was a constant presence[到场]. He made sure that food filled the cupboards， the bills were paid， and the lawn was mowed. He made sure I went back to school even when it was the last thing[最不想要的事物] I wanted to do. His overbearing[专横的] personality―the trait I had hated the most―is what comforted me the most and got me through those difficult days.

And then， he became our guardian[监护人] officially[正式地]. In a moment where the grief[悲痛] of loss and the pain of being unwanted threatened to capture[捕获] my very breath， this man， whose only tie to us was having dated my mother， said he would be honored to take us in.

Over the years， Mike has become not merely a legal[法定的] guardian but a real father to me. When I fell into depression[沮丧] in college， unable to get past thoughts of my mother and all I had lost， he was there to listen. He never wrote me off[忽视] as a good， mature kid who could handle everything herself. He walked the line between trusting me and recognizing when I might need help. And what more could you want from a father than that？

His was an unconventional[非传统的] path to parenthood， to say the least. It is not by birth or adoption that I consider this man to be my father； it isn’t even through his presence in my childhood. It is rather by sheer[纯粹的] good luck on my part.

Before being adopted by Mike， I felt as though I had lost my mooring[停泊处] and the waters were flooding in； afterward， I simply felt rescued. If my mother had taught me to be strong and depend on myself， Mike imparted[给予] his own lesson―that the world will provide for you， even when you least expect it.

Eight years after Mike stepped forward， he walked me down the aisle[走道]. Four years after that， I gave birth to his first granddaughter， Emily Michl Simonson. （Mike’s legal name is Michl.） The name is a reminder[提醒的人/物] of my saved past and a promise[希望] for the future， and I hope one day Emily will see that as well. Because as much as I plan to teach her to swim， I also want her to know this： No matter how fast the waters rise， no matter how hard it may be to keep her head above the waves， someone will throw her a line.

我小时候，夏天满是各种各样的活动，这些活动对80年代的小孩来说都很常见，但在现在看来，几乎就是在“找死”：爬树、不带头盔骑单车、在家庭轿车后座上坐一整天车，因为连一条安全带也没有，我们就像球一样在后座弹来弹去。

然而，我的母亲在某些事情上还是很注重安全的，比如游泳课。年复一年地，她逼着我去当地的游泳池上课。因为她不会游泳而且实际上还很怕水，所以对于不愿意上游泳课的我来说更加不公平。但我的母亲认为如果大水威胁到孩子们的安全，她将束手无策。

她知道命运会如何毫无预兆地夺走你在乎的亲人。我的父亲是一名电工，我三岁时，他在一次事故中因公身亡。父亲去世后，母亲不得不独自抚养我们，她深切地意识到她只能靠自己。她虽然很坚强，但也时常感到害怕。

我对父亲几乎没有什么印象，但我记得迈克・费瑟勒。他以前是一个教工业艺术的老师，在我的大半个童年里，他一直断断续续地和母亲约会。我和弟弟杰森都不是特别喜欢他。我15岁的时候，他们分手了，对于他的离开我并未感到伤心。

后来，1991年2月18日，我的母亲因脑动脉瘤猝死，那时我才17岁。前一分钟，她还和朋友有说有笑，很开心地在外面玩；下一分钟，她就躺在地板上失去了知觉，再也没有醒过来。19个小时以后，她离开了我们。我和15岁的弟弟成了孤儿。

随之而来的便是震惊和恐慌，亲戚们都赶到了医院。我和杰森依靠着彼此熬过了那一晚。我整个人都懵懵懂懂的；这一切发生得太快了。我几乎不能思考当下以外的事情。隔天早晨，我知道我必须通知大家这个噩耗。我看到母亲的通讯簿还在她几天前放的地方，于是我开始挨个拨号，其中一个便是迈克。

虽然迈克离我们这儿有一个小时的路程，但我觉得他瞬间就到了。他一走进来，立马就接手了所有事情，并且照顾我和杰森。他对我们无微不至，他递给我一张信用卡，说：“你为什么不去买件葬礼上穿的衣服呢？”他让我能做一个真正的17岁少女―只关心要穿什么衣服这种平凡的烦恼，而不是大人们关心的沉重的大事。

一般情况下，孩子成为孤儿以后，家族里的某个成员会承担起抚养的责任，但这没有发生在我们身上。我想，每个人都有充分的理由吧。但我可以告诉你的是：即便有非常充分的理由，被遗弃的感觉还是糟透了。失去了我们至爱的亲人，而后又无人愿意收留，这真令人心碎而又惶恐。

迈克再次来到了我们身边。葬礼后，他经常过来：确保橱柜里有足量的食物，账单付清，草坪修剪好。他让我回到学校读书，虽然这是我最不愿意做的事。我以前很讨厌他那专横的性格，但现在正是这一点最能带给我慰藉，帮助我度过那段艰难的日子。

然后，他正式成为了我们的监护人。这个男人与我们之间唯一的联系只是他和我的母亲曾经交往过，但在痛失挚爱的悲伤和被遗弃的痛苦几乎扼住我呼吸的时刻，他却说收养我们是他的荣幸。

这么多年过去了，迈克对我而言已经不仅仅是法定监护人，而是一个真正的父亲。当我在大学里沮丧消沉，无法摆脱对妈妈的思念，对逝去的一切无法忘怀时，他总在我身边聆听我的诉说。他从未把我当作一个足以应付所有事情的优秀的、成熟的孩子而抛下我不管。在相信我和意识到我可能需要帮助之间，他的分寸把握得很好，有哪个父亲能做得比他更好呢？

退一步说，他不是传统意义上的父亲。我把他当作父亲并不是因为血缘或收养，甚至也不是因为他参与了我的童年。在我看来，（能有这样的父亲）纯粹是好运使然。

在迈克收养我之前，我觉得自己失去了停泊的港湾，任由汹涌的海水向我扑来；之后，我只觉得获救了。如果说我的母亲教会我坚强自立，那么迈克则教会我一些别的东西，那就是―这个世界总会眷顾你，哪怕你无所期盼。

在迈克走进我生活的第八年，他牵着我走过婚礼教堂的过道。四年后，我生下了他的第一个外孙女，埃米莉・米希尔・西蒙森。（迈克的本名叫米希尔。）这个名字让我记起那段被他救起的过去，也让我对未来充满希望。我希望有一天，埃米莉也能感受到这些。因为就像我打算教她游泳一样，我想让她明白：无论水涨得有多快，无论把头伸出水面有多难，总有人会扔给她一根救生索。