HUMOUR AND JOKES

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Down to the earth

A science teacher was appointed to a school in a remote village. On his first day he talked about modern science and how it helps human progress. He told about space craft and how man had walked on the moon. When he finished his lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

“Sir，”one student asked,“could you please tell us when they will start a bus service through our village?”

Notes：remote―far away; was appointed to―was sent to

Grammar mistake

“Are your mother and father in?”asked the neighbour when the small boy opened the door.

“They was in,”said the boy.“but they is out now.”

“They was in and they is out!”exclaimed the neighbour.“Where is your grammar?”

“Out in the kitchen making some cookies.”

Notes：kitchen―part of a house where food is cooked; cookie―small, thin, flat sweet cake

Kidspeak

Our five-year-old son speaks English and German，and he has picked up some Guangdonese since living in Hong Kong. One day I was getting ready to take him to a rugby game. His mother, not being a rugby fan, planned a quiet afternoon at home. Our son, however, pleaded.

“Come on, Mommy, you must come.”

“I don't understand the game,”she replied.

“But it's in English, Mommy!”

Notes：rugby―similar to American football；pleaded―asked

Forgetfulness

As I was getting into my car at a shopping mall, a young man in the next car tried to attract my attention. Ignoring him, I proceeded to start my automobile. The persistent fellow got out of his car and started rapping my window.

“I'm not interested.”I called out.

“Neither am I, Lady,”he replied.“I just wanted to let you know you left your purse on the top of your car.”

Notes: proceed―go on doing sth; persistent―continuing; rap―strike sharply and quickly; ignore―take no notice of; attract―arouse interest in; purse―small bag for money

The repairman

My husband maintains machinery at a factory. Whenever my little girl asks me what her daddy does at work, I always say，“He fixes the big machines there.”One time after receving my usual answer, she said indignantly：“Well, who keeps breaking them?”

Notes：maintain―keep or do the repair work; fix―repair; indignantly―angrily and scornfully

Money refunded

A couple took their three-month-old son to the movies with them. On the way, the usher said they would have to leave if the baby cried.“But we'll refund your money,”he added.

After watching the film for a half hour, the husband turned to his wife.

“Well, what do you think?”he asked.

“It's the wrong thing I've ever seen!”

“Me, too.”he agreed.“Shake little Tom.”

Notes：usher―person who shows people their seats in the theater; refund―pay back the money; shake―move from one side to the other side violently