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“晒”与不“晒”,这是一个问题

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Don’t 1)brag, but be proud of what you’ve done. These two pieces of advice were tough to 2)balance long before Facebook existed, and the share-it-all nature of today’s social media world hasn’t made it any easier. It’s just difficult to draw a line between a 3)humble brag and straight-up bragging. But one thing we know for sure is that oversharing doesn’t do your friendships any favors―a new study out of Carnegie Mellon University 4)proves it.

To find out how social sharing 5)impacts our relationships, Professor George Loewenstein and his 6)colleagues 7)surveyed Amazon employees, dividing them into groups: 8)self-promoters and those who received that self-promotion. Both groups told stories about past experiences with bragging, and how it made them feel. The results? When we 9)inform our 10)peers about our good experiences, we 11)tend to 12)predict their reactions incorrectly. So telling your friends about your great new job or early college 13)admission decision might make them proud of you, but not nearly as proud as you might think. On the other hand, even if you know your news might 14)bug your friends, you probably don’t know just how much.

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are awesome. But together, they make up our network of bragging, a place where we’re certainly in danger of oversharing. Once upon a time, only your family and close friends would be there to see you eagerly open presents on Christmas morning; now, the photo you take on your iPhone will likely become a 15)touched-up Instagram in about 15 seconds. Sure, it might seem like a barely 16)noticeable move. But your sharing behavior could easily be considered 17)annoying or even narcissistic.

不要吹嘘,但要对自己的成就感到自豪。早在“脸谱”存在之前,这两条建议就很难平衡,而到了今天这个什么都要拿来分享的年头,平衡两者的难度一点也没有降低。要在谦虚的自夸和肆无忌惮的吹嘘之间划界线可不是一件易事。但有一件事我们是确定的,那就是过度分享对你和朋友之间的友情没有什么益处―(美国)卡内基梅隆大学的一项新研究证实了这一点。

为了弄清楚社交分享对人际关系的影响,乔治・罗文斯坦教授和他的同事对亚马逊公司的员工进行了一项调查。他们把员工分成两组:一组是自我推销者,另一组是被推销者。两组人都要讲出自己经历过的各种吹嘘行为,还要说出自己的感受。结果如何?当我们向同辈描述自己的美好经历时,我们往往对他们的反应做出错误的估计。所以,当你告诉朋友你找到了一份新工作,或早早就收到大学录取通知时,你的朋友或许会为你感到自豪,但这种感觉并没有你想象中的那么强烈。另一方面,即使你料到这些消息可能会烦到朋友,但其干扰程度可能超出你的预料。

脸谱、推特和Instagram确实很棒。但它们组合在一起,就形成了一个“晒网络”―我们在这个网络中很容易出现过度分享的危险。从前,只有你的家人和密友可以看着你在圣诞节早晨兴奋地拆礼物;而现在,你用iPhone拍的照片很可能在15秒内就变成一张经过美图的Instagram分享。当然,这似乎只是一个无伤大雅的动作,但你的分享很容易被视作烦人的行为,甚至让人觉得你很自恋。

要了解narcissistic的意思,就要从Narcissus([?????????],那喀索斯)说起。那喀索斯是古希腊神话中的美少年,他是河神刻菲索斯与水泽神女利里俄珀之子。那喀索斯出生后,利里俄珀向著名的预言家提瑞西阿斯询问自己儿子的命运。提瑞西阿斯说,那喀索斯只要不看到自己的脸,就能得长寿。因此,尽管那喀索斯长大后成为全希腊最俊美的男子,他却从不知道自己长什么样子。那喀索斯的美貌让全希腊的女性为之倾倒,但他对所有前来求爱的女人都无动于衷。被他拒绝的女子们都要求复仇女神涅墨西斯惩罚那喀索斯,涅墨西斯同意了她们的请求。那喀索斯在一次打猎归来时,在池水中看见了自己俊美的脸。他爱上了自己的倒影,无法从池塘边离开,终于憔悴而死。在那喀索斯死去的地方生出了一株水仙花,所以水仙花的英文就是narcissus(注意n不用大写)。后来,Narcissus就成了“孤芳自赏者”、“自我陶醉者”的代名词。

由此衍生的词就很容易理解了:名词narcissism [???????????]表示“自我陶醉、自恋(的行为)”;narcissist(名词)[??????????]表示“自我陶醉者”;形容词narcissistic [?????????????]则表示“自恋的,自我陶醉的”。

What’s more: As our personal fame grows alongside our social media 18)presences, so do the number of people we could 19)potentially impress―or 20)piss off. We’ve become social beings 24 hours a day. Our circles are bigger than ever. Sometimes that’s a good thing. But an evergrowing audience to our personal lives brings up the question we should all be asking ourselves before hitting the share button: to 21)post or not to post?

To answer that, we brought in the experts. According to New York-based 22)therapist Jessica Michaels, the trick is to think about how you say something, not just what you say. “23)Frame it in a way that makes it more of a sharing idea,” she says. “Let’s say you get a spa visit for Christmas. Instead of saying ‘Oh I can’t wait to enjoy my 24)massage,’ you could post ‘Hey friends of mine! Let’s plan this together. Maybe we could all go.’ We forget that the 25)original 26)intention behind social media was a connector.”

Dr. Marsha Levy-Warren, a 27)psychotherapist and author of The Adolescent Journey: Development, Identity, Formation and Psychotherapy, agrees. “There’s a big difference between posting ‘I feel so lucky that I had this experience,’ and just 28)presenting it,” she says. Providing“emotional context” may help prevent what might be seen as bragging.

One more thing to keep in mind? Your true 29)BFFAEs definitely do want to know when things are going good for you, and you should 30)keep them in the loop of your life. Just make sure that when you do it, you’re keeping it among those closest to you: When you post a photo of your fantastic winter vacation, for example, make sure to 31)tag your friends and tell them you wish they were by your side on the beach. A little bit of social media love goes a long way!

此外,我们在社交媒体的存在感日渐提高,我们的名气也随之变大―可能被我们打动的人在增加,但被我们烦到的人同样在增加。我们已经变成了全天候的社交动物,我们的圈子比以往任何时候都大。有时候,那是一件好事。但当我们的私人生活暴露在越来越多观众面前,就会带来一个问题―在按下分享键之前,所有人都应该自问:“晒”还是不“晒”?

为了回答这个问题,我们请来了专家。纽约心理治疗师杰西卡・迈克尔斯表示,技巧在于想清楚说话的方式,而不仅仅是说话的内容。“采取一种方式,让人觉得你是在和他们分享,”她说。“比方说,你在圣诞节得到一个享受水疗的机会,不要说‘噢,真是等不及去享受我的按摩了,’你可以发‘嘿,我的朋友们!咱们计划一下,说不定我们都可以去呢。’我们忘记了社交媒体最初的目的是沟通。”

心理治疗师、《青少年的旅程:发展,认同,形成与心理治疗》的作者玛莎・利维―沃伦博士表示同意。“发‘能得到这样的体验真是太幸运了’的帖子,和纯粹呈献这件事情有着巨大区别,”她说。(为受众)提供“情感背景”也许能防止别人觉得你在吹嘘。

还要记住一件事。你真正的好朋友一定想知道发生在你身上的好事,你应该让他们知道你的动态。当你发帖的时候,记得通知最亲密的人:例如,当你一张展示你的寒假有多棒的照片时,记得标注你的朋友,告诉他们,你希望他们可以在沙滩上和你并肩同行。社交媒体上的一点点爱就可以让你们的友谊走得很远哦!

你最讨厌朋友圈哪种“晒”?

晒自己:没完没了的自拍,各种美图秀X、锥子脸、磨皮、美瞳

晒美食:“手臂一样粗的濑尿虾哦~”、“楼下星巴X又买一送一哦”(这个小编也挺惭愧的)

晒旅游:当所有人都在补课、加班的时候,某人却在玩,还是出国游

晒奢侈品:羡慕妒忌恨~

晒健身:“今天又跑了XX公里”、“马拉松简直小菜一碟”

晒孩子:每天都是亲亲、宝贝

晒恩爱:逼死单身狗

晒各种心灵鸡汤、养生链接:鸡汤喝太多,有点想吐……