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He Is Different from Me

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【栏目要求】

1. 将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩; 2. 在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;

3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由; 4. 给学生习作点评;

5. 请点评名师提供简历一份,包括:学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。

来稿请寄: 430079 华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》 杂志社 收

本 期 点 评 名 师

张造云 男,现任教于湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校,多年从事中学英语教学,主导校本英语教材研究,不断深入英语教研教改,主持校本课改专题《初中生听说读写导学案教学》,系《中学生双语故事绘本阅读写作与研究》发起人,有多篇论文在省级以上学术刊物发表和获奖,辅导学生双语写作多次获奖。教学论文《中学生英语写作模式初探》在教育界反响良好。

I have a brother. He is two years younger than me.

I like reading books. When I read a book, I often read quiet①. While my brother always reads aloud whenever in the morning or in the evening. When I ask whether he can remember what he reads he always shakes his head.

When I look② a beautiful sentence or a wonderful paragraph, I like to read it aloud. I read it much more aloud than my brother. He is so surprised that he asks me why I read it so excitingly③? “My feeling follows the sentence, and reading is a kind of enjoyment. But you always read without feeling, your mouth opens so wide and your voice is so loud, but you are just like a little monk,” I say to him.

Some people say my brother is outgoing and I am a little quiet. That’s really true. 湖南省永州市冷水滩区竹山桥学校八(59)班 陈昂梅

1. 优点:

这是一篇很不错的学生习作。本文从读书的角度写出小作者和弟弟的性格区别。弟弟读书像小和尚念经,小作者读书用心,有时候默读,有时候大声朗读。本文句子生动活泼,姐弟俩性格迥异,跃然纸上。

2. 需要修改的地方:

① quiet改为quietly。用副词修饰动词;

② look改为see 或者meet。look是不及物动词,不能直接跟宾语;

③ excitingly改为excitedly。当人做主语的时候,用excitedly修饰动词read。

3. 评分:

按湖南省永州市中考英语作文满分15分的评分标准,本文修改前可得12分。