启功的最后日子
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2005年6月30日晨，启功老先生与世长辞，永远离开了我们!我茫然地呆坐在书桌前，无法接受这早已暗示我的事实。好几次我想起身再走到楼下去轻轻推开启功老爷子的屋门，再听他爽朗地数落我的话语，再看看他灵动的手指点到我的鼻子上把他满肚子的学问讲个不停。但是，我知道这已经是再也不会有了!
在深睡中仙逝
2004年10月中旬，我刚从广州回到北京就听启功的侄儿景怀说老爷子左腿出现血栓，住进了北大医院。午后景怀开车接我同去探望，老爷子躺在病床上，见我进去便笑问：“客从何来?”我答道：“去广州看家乡给家父塑的雕像。”我坐在他床头一侧，见他精神疲倦，双手不停地抓床档，并叫护士调整床头高度，我逗乐说：“这是熊猫生病。”他闭目答道：“这是神仙生病!”
老爷子在晚年愈是多病愈加不肯住院。每次住院总得家人和医生左哄右劝地说服他，即使进了医院，过不了几天他就闹着要出院。这次也不例外，先生仅住了数日便吵着出了院。他回到家里打电话告诉我：“我回来了!”我过去一看情绪果然大不一样，他安详地坐在沙发上，神情显得那么地自在和得意。于是我就唱着逗他：“排排坐，吃果果，你一个，我一个……”他一听就乐了，还问我散文集《悠游录》校对得怎样了?这本散文集是老爷子用硬笔书写题签的。
转眼到了2005年。在一段时间里我发现他进食越来越少，早餐只进一杯牛奶、一小块点心，有时连这一点还吃不完，或是干脆不吃就去睡，时常到下午或傍晚才醒来，甚至几天都不想进食，身体显得越来越弱。虽然如此，在他睡醒的时候，头脑依然清楚，思维敏捷，谈锋不减。
元旦前后上门来给老爷子恭贺新年的客人络绎不绝。此时老爷子衣装整洁，端坐在沙发上，看上去宛若鉴真和尚打坐。
元月8日，我陪《澳门日报》社长李(鹏翥)老和张先生去给老爷子拜年，老爷子在卧室睡觉刚醒，他躺在床上，见我们进去很是激动，伸手握着李老的手一直不放，李老向他致意，他说：“我快不行啦。”然后又转头看见在床另一边的我，对李老说：“昨天钟少华来读你的信。钟(敬文)老先生是我长辈，他的公子是我的师弟，他(又转头对我)很感谢你去年在澳门的接待。以后要拜托你了。”又说：“你(李老)是我的诗友。感谢你们来看我。”
李老讲完来北京开会的事情后准备告别，不想老爷子哭了，含泪紧握李老的手久久不放。表情凄惨极了。
元月10日上午，我过去看他，他坐在一张单人沙发上，已经吃过早点，显得十分端正清爽。老爷子问：“王得后业余时间干什么?”我答：“他在忙着写关于您的思想的文章。”老爷子竖起大拇指说：“王得后立了一功。”
不想过了10天，到了元月21日，老爷子出现昏迷，家人把他送进医院。临出门前他要来串珠仔细放进口袋中，又摸了摸脖子上挂的玉石，摘下来叫郑收好。又同我说：“王得后的文章，我还没有来得及看。”我说没有关系，我会转告的。我指着他平常戴的瓜皮帽正放在大熊猫玩具头上，说：“您瞧，您的帽子已经扣在熊猫头上了。”他说：“都一样。”然后我们送他上汽车去医院，师大的钟校长、陈书记等人到医院去探望他，等校领导走后我上前拉住他的手，老爷子说：“遗腹子不梦其父。我梦见我母亲好多回了。我知道他们在叫我呢!”说着眼泪流了出来。我对他说：“你别急，他们等你已经很多年了，让他们再等一会儿，你这儿还有许多事情没有办完呢!”
这次住进医院后，他的手上脚上安了几种治疗仪器，医生不时地来给他用药，闹得他烦了，他便直用手锤床，我知道这种治疗对他来说简直是折磨，是痛苦。有一次护工来给他送药，挑起大拇指说：“老爷子是最棒的!”老爷子也挑起大拇指回应，然后便安静地吃药。不过虽然仅有两小粒药片，可他吞服并不轻松，他先含一粒用了三口水才能够吞下去，接着再含一粒又喝了三口水用力吞下，显得十分吃力和难受。
2月5日我到医院值班，问起昨晚情况，护工说老爷子昨天闹了一夜吵着要回家，今天早上老爷子醒来，又提出院事，于是我立即给景蓉打了电话。过了一会儿，景蓉同王连起一同走进来，老爷子马上说：“我要回家。”王先生跟他握手，故意报告在香港讲学情况，他听了一会儿还是说要回家，并逐一点了我们的名字，景怀找借口说他不能出院，他就说：“推、拖、骗，是旧中国的‘三招’，现在你就是。”后来我们下楼去商量，只好同意他先回家。当我们把老爷子抬上急救车时，老爷子这时好开心啊!我拉住他的手激动地说：“老爷子，您真棒!”这时他笑得更得意了，真是一脸的阳光灿烂呢!
2月9日，农历大年初一，老爷子终于如愿以偿，在家里度过了中国的传统春节。上午9点半钟老爷子叫我过去，我过去时看他躺在床上打点滴，脸色还好。他问了我的家事，我回答后问他看见我的《悠游录》了吗?他笑着说：“油葫芦。”我拿起书给他看，他点了点头。我说：“书上说有一个胡人，他讲猪跑学，他投兔儿爷一票。”他笑说：“胡说八道。”我立即说：“从前中国有八股，考据是变成八道，再经胡人一说，就变成胡说八道啦。”他听见更是高兴得笑了，并用手指头点我的额头。一会他就显得很累，我劝他闭目休息，替他摘下手表，这时他睡着了。
下午3点钟，老爷子刚醒，王兄先过去拉着他的手，老爷子说感激王兄，然后问：“少华来了吗?”我连忙趋前，他对我说：“《悠游录》看过啦。”回头又对王兄笑着说：“油葫芦。”
没有几分钟，老爷子又睡着了。我们退到客厅同景怀说话，景怀说：“老爷子中午醒来，高兴啦，吃了六个小饺子。”我就问还有吗?景怀拿出一碟子饺子，我吃了三个，王兄也吃了。
第二天，景怀来电话，说昨天下午你们走后，到8点钟，护工发现他没有反应，于是立即送医院去抢救。下午4点钟，李老来师大接我同往北大医院。进病房看见老爷子侧卧在床上，鼾声如雷，脸色红润，显然这是靠药物维持的结果。看他左手有点肿，按上去没有反应，此时李老站在床边俯下头喊他两次，老爷子仍然没有反应……
从此，老爷子再也没有醒过来，他整整沉睡了四个多月。最后，2005年6月30日凌晨2点25分，老爷子在北大医院乘鹤西去。
病中和老友心相通
启功先生晚年是在多种病痛缠绕下度过的，他的心脏、肾脏、肺部都出了问题，尤其是白内障和黄斑病变，让他几乎失视，再加上行动不便，出行、开会都要借助轮椅，所以他与老友间的聚会和走动便越来越少了，但大家心里总在彼此思念和牵挂。由于他走动不便，我们除了通电话之外，凡遇到跑腿办事老爷子就会招呼我过去。每次电话里传来他用戏剧京腔说出的“我来问你”一句开场白之后，我便放下手头的写作，立马前去“领旨”，因为从我的住址红二楼到老爷子居住的红六楼，相距不过六七十米。
老爷子藏有一部山人的拓本，是上世纪30年代他的一位好友赠送的。老爷子爱若宝贝，呵护颇为精心，黄苗子老先生深谙这部法帖的价值，经过与河北出版社联系，出版社决定将其出版。2004年2月老爷子亲自取出山人的法帖，命我给黄老送去。一个月之后，黄老就为法帖撰写了洋洋数万字的序言，请老爷子过目。我去取序时，黄苗子叔叔和郁风姑姑热情地留我吃饭，郁姑姑还特意留出两份菜叫我给老爷子带去，她说这两份菜是刘诗昆在饭店专门定做的，他要我“借花献佛”，转送给老爷子品尝。于是我立即打的赶回北师大。老爷子一见这两份菜特别高兴，他自己留下一份，却把另一份(炒海螺)留给了我。
为了这部法帖出版事，老爷子和黄苗子常在电话里热烈探讨学问，有时为法帖里的某一个字，两人在电话里探讨的专注程度真让外人吃惊。有一次二老探讨得高兴，说完正事还兴致勃勃地聊起社会新闻来。这部书出版了，老爷子把我叫去，让家人捧出一本来要我猜一猜书的价格，我说“总要1000元吧?”他不动声色，只让我自己打开版权页上的定价去看看。这一看着实让我大吃一惊，正式定价竟为10000元一部!
此书出版后，黄老因膝积水发炎住进医院，老爷子放心不下，叫我带上他著述的5本书代他去医院探望黄老。黄叔叔说他的病不碍事，治治就好，倒是仔细地问起老爷子的近况来。问毕他拿出一张小纸片，说他写了半首诗，嘱咐我带回去给老爷子一笑。
晚上8点钟，老爷子来电话询问关于黄老的病情，我一一告知，并把黄老那首诗在电话里念给他听：
病中妄改前人诗呈启老
我今不乐思启老
身欲奋飞脚不好
美人娟娟隔雅典
金牌银牌捞不着
瞎脚法师未定稿
老爷子听了在电话中大笑，说：“安息吧，安息吧。”
去年春天我的新书《中国近代新词语谈薮》即将完稿，老爷子得知后叫我过去，他让景怀上楼拿了一幅画来。我打开一看原来是1982年华君武先生赠给他的一幅漫画，标题是《考考启功》，左边是华先生自画像，手中举着一张纸，纸上鬼画符似的涂鸦；右边是启功漫画像，眼镜后眯缝着眼睛，衬托着一脸的无奈，他把一支毛笔背手藏在干部服后面，两人全是哭笑不得的样子。我一看就乐了，说：“这正好做我这本书的首页。”老爷子欣然应允，笑着说：“你拿去复印了用吧。”后来朋友们看了这幅画无不捧腹大笑。
晚年最怕做寿
2002年秋适逢北师大建校百年大庆，老爷子也迎来了九十华诞，北师大为此专门做了贺寿安排。老爷子深领校领导和全校师生的深情厚意，但他内心却不希望大家为他祝寿：一方面他觉得自己奉献甚少，另一方面做寿会引起他对许多往事的痛苦回忆。
启功先生出生于皇族支系，但根据清朝爵位累降规制，他的家庭早年便逐渐没落了：先生一岁时父亲即因病去世，他随曾祖父和祖父生活。不幸的是1922年先生10岁时，曾祖父和祖父也相继去世，同一年家中还有多人故去，由于偿还债务和办理丧事，家业因此破产，他和寡母及未出嫁的姑姑便遭遇了清贫，度日异常艰难。后来幸亏遇到了培养并影响他终生的恩师陈垣先生，所以他对恩师一直至敬，对母亲至孝，对妻子至爱。
尽管启功先生不愿做寿，但领导和众师生情谊难违，他不得不“从命”。2002年7月26日，老爷子命我与他同去。早上9点我们坐车来到英东楼，一开车门他就被人群簇拥着走上三楼，我连忙拿出相机给他拍照。老爷子在主席台上，一直严肃端坐，轮到他致辞，他语重心长地说：“我一岁丧父，母子相依为命。我1957年当了，幸亏母亲在1956年去世，所以自己还有一丝安慰：因为母亲不会理解她的儿子为什么会是?所以我每逢做寿就倍感酸甜苦辣……”说罢顿时会场气氛显得压抑起来。待到中午他站起来如厕，然后他就下楼直接回家了。后来大家到餐厅吃祝寿午餐，校领导来切蛋糕，但启功先生家中无一人在场。
2004年7月，老爷子已届九十二高寿，师大照常又要给他做寿。众心热情如火，老爷子对此一脸的无奈。7月26日他终于又身着西装出席了祝寿大会，轮到他致辞时他总是反复说：“太惭愧，太惭愧……”他说自己的经历是“有泪往肚子里咽”。我和师大的老友们见他如此痛苦终于深深感到：老爷子最怕做寿，老爷子最怕忆及往事!
Qigong's Last Days of Life
By Zhong Shaohua
Master Qigong passed away at 6 am on June 30, 2005. When I learned the news, I was numbed with grief, unable to accept the fact. Several times I wanted to stand up and walked to his house, which is only abou6 60 meters away from mine. I wanted to hear him enumerating my mistakes again. I wanted him to put his finger on my nose jokingly and tell me things I didn't know. But I knew all this would never happen again. How sad!
As soon as I came back to Beijing in the mid October 2004 I heard from Qigong's nephew that Qigong had been hospitalized for a thrombus in his left leg. The nephew drove me to the affiliated hospital of Beijing University after lunch. Seeing me enter the ward, Qigong broke into a big smile, saying, "Where are you from, my guest?" I replied that I was just back from a trip to Guangzhou where I visited a statue of my father my hometown people had set up. I sat down by his bed. He asked a nurse to adjust the bed so that he could sit up. I joked, "This is a panda that has fallen ill." With his eyes closed, he replied feebly, "This is an immortal that has fallen ill!"
In his last years, Qigong stubbornly refused to stay long in hospital whenever he was hospitalized. Doctors and his family took pains to persuade him. But after a few days in hospital, the patient would become restless and wanted to go home. It was no exception this time. After he was back home, he phoned me to inform me of his return. I went to see him. He sat comfortably in the sofa, looking composed and complacent. I sang a few bars of a nursery rhyme to mock him for the way he sat there. He was amused. Then he asked about a collection of my essays. He had written the title in calligraphy for the book.
Time flew and it was 2005. I found he was eating less and less. His breakfast was a cup of milk and a small piece of cake. Sometimes he could not even take all this. Sometimes he gave up breakfast and slept till afternoon or evening. But when he was awake, he was a good and sharp-minded talker.
Around the New Year's Day, guests came to see Qigong. He was dressed neatly and sat in the sofa, looking like a monk sitting cross-legged.
On January 8th 2005, I accompanied Li Pengqi to pay a New Year call to Qigong. He had just waked up. Seeing us, he became excited. He held Li's hand for a long while. When Li said goodbye, Qigong expressed his sadness with tearful eyes.
He fainted for a while on 21st January. When I rushed over, his family was about to take him to hospital. He asked for a string of prayer beads, took off a jade ornament from his neck which he had been wearing for a long time, and asked his family to put it away. When I went to the hospital to visit him later, he said, "A posthumous child will never dream of his father. But I have dreamed of my mother many times. I know they are calling out to me now." Tears oozed from his eyes. I replied, "Please stop worrying. They have been waiting for you for a long time. They will not mind waiting a little longer. You still have a lot to do here."
Hospitalized again, he had a few instruments attached to his body. Sometimes he would become impatient and hammer the bed with his hands when a doctor came to administer the medicine to him. He had difficulty taking medicines.
On 5th February I went to the hospital and sat with him. I was told that Qigong had not slept well the night before, because he had made a lot of noise about going home. In the morning he again mentioned he wanted to go home. When we finally agreed to move him home, he smiled brilliantly.
He spent the Spring Festival at home, which fell on February 9 in 2005. Around 9:30 am that day I went over to see him. He lay in bed and was having an intravenous injection. He looked not bad. He asked after my family. I replied and then asked him if he had read my essays. I showed him my book. He wisecracked about the name of the book. After sharing a joke with me, he became tired and fell asleep. I went to see him at 3 pm. He woke up. When he saw me, he said he had read my essays. Then he fell asleep again.
I received a call the next day that Qigong had been sent to hospital for emergency in the previous night after he was found to have stopped responding to the nurse. I went to the hospital that afternoon. Qigong was snoring, his face flushed, apparently because of some medicines he had taken. His left hand was puffy. I pressed it and found no reaction.
He did not wake up again. After a long sleep for more than 4 months, he passed away in sleeping at 2:25 am on June 30, 2005.
(Translated by David)