Trans Nationals

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On a snowy day in 2013， Xiaobu told his mother that he was， in fact， her son. That was， he told NewsChina， the second time in his life that he had cried. “Boys don’t cry，”he said. Xiaobu’s mother was driving at the time. He recalled how she was looking straight ahead. After a while， his mother broke the silence. “So， we never had a girl in our home？”

“I’m sorry for not treating you in the way you wanted，” she went on.

Growing up， whenever Xiaobu’s younger brother called him “sis- ter，” Xiaobu would get mad. On that day， when they arrived home， Xiaobu’s younger brother greeted him as he usually did.

Their mother corrected her younger son. “This is your older brother，” she said.

Minority

17-year-old Xiaobu looks older than his peers. He is modest and polite. He has a habit of tugging at his newly sprouted beard when he talks. Since commencing hormone therapy， his voice has deepened， and his menstrual cycle has ceased. “It feels great，” he said. Warnings about side effects such as hair loss， osteoporosis or stunted growth don’t concern Xiaobu. He feels he has waited long enough C 17 yearsC for the body he belongs in.

During Xiaobu’s first year at middle school， the changes in his body， particularly menstruation and growing breasts， he said， made him “sick.” Initially， he thought he might be a lesbian C his attraction to pretty classmates with long hair seemed a key indicator. In the end， though， he realized he was trans.

“I just didn’t feel like a girl，” he told NewsChina. “My sexual orientation was totally like that of a straight man.”

This notion frightened Xiaobu， he recalled. Growing up in a rigidly cisgendered society， his first encounter with the term “transgendered”was online. Stumbling across this word in his second year of middle school， he felt that the definition was “made just for me.”

Now， Xiaobu is saving up for sex reassignment surgery. He wants to fully surgically transition before he turns 20， and then get married to his girlfriend.

In China， to be transgender is to be a minority within a minority. While gay and lesbian people have slowly begun to emerge into public life， at least in the country’s cities， transgender people have largely remained in the shadows. While gay and lesbian Chinese people have fewer and fewer difficulties explaining their orientation to friends and even family， the country’s trans population struggles for recognition Ceven when it comes to self-discovery. Xiaobu

Xiaotie， manager of the Beijing LGBT Center， an NGO that promotes LGBT rights and providing professional aid to sexual minority groups， told NewsChina that the center has some 40 volunteers， but that the team didn’t have a transgender staff member until 2012.

Xiaotie and her fellow volunteers have seen firsthand the kind of discrimination that prevents trans Chinese people from living openly.“Even after undergoing sex reassignment surgery and officially changing their gender on their ID card， [trans people] still meet with rejection and discrimination when trying to change their gender on their educational certificates or their permanent employment record，” said Xiaotie.

Solitude

This discrimination tends to become more flagrant towards trans individuals from lower-income backgrounds， who may lack the educational and financial resources to change their situation.

In an interview with NewsChina， Yanyan （a pseudonym） told our reporter that she “died” at age 18. In 2003， she purchased scalpels， forceps， sutures and a slab of raw pork. In a shabby rented room in the port city of Qingdao， Shandong Province， Yanyan practiced surgical techniques. Nobody around her paid any attention.

At six feet tall， with broad shoulders and a thick beard， Yanyan looked like the stereotypical image of a butch Shandong male. Her Adam’s apple and genitalia confused and disturbed her. After leaving her rural home and taking a factory job in Qingdao， she began to wear women’s underwear and stockings under her overalls. Her parents were distressed by rumors that began to circulate in their village， fearing their“son’s” reputation would prevent Yanyan’s sister from finding a spouse.

Once settled in the city， Yanyan learned to use the Internet， where she discovered both the term “transgender” and learned about sexual reassignment surgery. However， without money for the operations and official permission from her parents C neither of which， she felt， she would be able to obtain C she resolved to perform the surgery herself. She bought a surgical manual， and attempted to practice on slabs of meat. Finally， she wrote a short post on her microblog.

“I’m going to do the surgery myself. If I die， then that’s it.”

Yanyan regained consciousness in an emergency room， bleeding profusely. Her landlord had called an ambulance after discovering his tenant lying in a pool of blood. One of Yanyan’s testes was still attached.

Worse was to come. The hospital called Yanyan’s parents. Her mother suffered a heart attack， and her father refused permission when the hospital requested that they remove Yanyan’s remaining testis. “I’d rather he died than see him change his gender，” Yanyan’s father allegedly told the surgeon.

Yanyan was left scarred and prone to hot flashes. Half her beard was fuller than the other half. She found she hated her body even more. Although she was now living as a woman， she could not secure anything other than low-end jobs， as her appearance didn’t match the gender stated on her ID.

Several months later， with the help of one of her “sisters，” Yanyan relocated to Shanghai， where she became a sex worker C a common step for many of China’s transgender community. She has also done occasional work for LGBT NGOs in Shanghai. She has introduced these NGOs to her friends and co-workers， allowing them to conduct research and interviews. Even around other LGBT people， Yanyan still feels what she calls “subtle discrimination” towards transgender people. With a low level of education and limited skillset， she earns much less than other volunteers.

Nevertheless， Yanyan finally earned enough to fully surgically transition. As her family was unable to find a husband for her sister due to village gossip， Yanyan has helped them purchase an apartment in the city， and even paid for her mother’s heart surgery.

Although hate crimes against LGBT people are rare in Chinese society， and certain transgender individuals C notably transwoman dancer Jin Xing C are even celebrated， they receive no legal protection or social support from the government. As more and more developed countries have either recognized a “third gender” or instituted equal protection for trans individuals in law， transgender groups and sections of the scientific and medical community in China are calling for legal recognition and protection for trans people， who are among the most vulnerable groups in society.

“A third gender should be added to the Chinese national ID card， which would reflect our society’s respect for diversity， equal rights and every individual’s freedom and welfare，” said Dr Fang Gang， director of the Institute of Sexuality and Gender Studies at Beijing Forestry University.