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[steven安家良，沪江英语网创始人之一、网站主编、创新提出“五句英语口语学习法”，曾任多家知名培训机构培训讲师。您还可以写信给Steven，他的Email地址：hjsteven@vip.省略]

[恋爱物语]

She's totally into me.

她对我死心塌地/她完全被我迷住了。

She is currently seeing someone else.

她在和别人约会。

Is it possible to start all over again?

还可能重新来过吗？

Don't fantasize about her.

不要对她抱有幻想。

[最近有点烦]

Hey Steven,

I'm writing you for some sage advice on a serious situation in my life. I have asked many of my close friends for help with this, and they all give me conflicting answers, so I thought maybe some outside advice on this issue might help.

I've been divorced two and half years now from Emily, and am living with a new woman, Jill, who is just great. She's totally into me and completely different in temperament and personality from Emily.

I, on the other hand, am still deeply in love with my ex. She was the one who wanted the divorce, and hasn't spoken with me until this past Christmas. At that time, we finally got to talk about all our past issues. There was a moment in our conversation when she began to act like the woman I fell in love with years ago, and when she confronted me with the statement that "I hated her", I broke down and confessed that I still loved her and always would.

She's unsure

Well, Steven, she was completely taken off guard and blurted out that she still had deep feelings for me, but was unsure of exactly how she felt and what, if anything, to do about it. She is currently seeing someone else too, and her concern seems to be focused on the fact that I'm living with another woman presently. She says that she doesn't believe me when I say I still love her. I think this is because she tried very hard to push me away when we were getting divorced.

Steven, I still love Emily and want her back desperately. I don't want to hurt Jill, but my heart cries out for my ex. What the heck is a guy supposed to do in this situation? Is it possible to ever go back and start all over again?

John

[爱情帮你办]

Hi John,

Your first problem is asking all of your "close friends" for advice. When it comes to love, there's no close-friend situation. Indeed, your old friends are your enemies. Why? Because these so-called friends of yours－while I'm sure they have wonderful intentions－give you confusing, conflicting answers. And that's your problem, pal. I'm not the one who should be the source of "outside advice" when it comes to women－your friends should be on the outside. Because they're outside of reality.

Why are you wasting her time?

Jill, according to you, seems to be a devoted lover, who has very high interest level in you, and the other one is just UNSURE. See? That's a big difference.

By the way, you're such a Mr. Miserable by acting like that. If you're so deeply in love with your ex, what the heck are you doing misleading poor Jill? Why are you moving in with another person when you don't care about her? Are you using her like a nurse in a convalescent home until you get well, and then handing her walking papers and breaking her heart? My rules say that men don't use women. If we're done learning from them or we don't dig them, we don't waste their time. Next!

Let's move on to your main problem－Emily, your lovely ex-wife.

You are delusional

She finally spoke to you last Christmas after two and a half years? What was she after, a present or something?

She acted, at least for a few minutes, like the girl you fell in love with. Man, you have got to quit smoking the marijuana, please. Now think about this. You're telling me you have 100% Interest Level in Emily－and I believe you, John, I believe you－and she's telling you that you hated her? Huh?

By the way, when you broke down and confessed to Emily that you would always love her, did you grovel and beg, too? Did you get down and kiss her feet? Are you sure your name's really John? Because you're acting more like a nice, tame little cat.

It's fascinating that Emily used the word "unsure" when she was talking about her feelings for you. I've got news for you, my friend. She was lying like a Persian rug. "No woman since Eve has ever been unsure." The reality is that Emily hates you, John, and not vice versa.

What's wrong with you? She's with someone else...

She's a liar

Your ex is seeing someone else, too? That means she's seeing two people -- you and this other man. She entertained you for a half-hour at Christmastime and you went off into a wonderland, dreaming about the good old days. All the while she's in the arms of a new man, making out, grabbing him, and doing everything else a woman does when she has high interest level in a guy.

And guess what? She's not fantasizing about you, like most of you pitiful guys fantasize about your exes. But she says her main "concern" is that you're living with another woman. Of course, you're living with another woman, because her part in the story is done.

No matter whether she's happy with her current man, there's just no reason that she comes over and break you and Jill apart by simply having deep feelings for you.

Maybe she's having problems in her relationship right now. Maybe she really wants you back. Maybe she needs a puppet outside a relationship. But there's nowhere you need to care.

Stop living in the past

Here's another thing, my friend. Emily does believe you when you say you still love her. She's lying to you when she says she doesn't. The problem is that she wants no part of you and your declarations of undying devotion (except for the momentary ego rush it gives her). The harder you push, the harder she rejects. And, oh－you mean a woman pushes you away when you get divorced? Gee, I didn't know that!

But after all this brutal spurning you've endured, you still swear that you're totally, desperately gone over your ex. Know what, guy? "Desperately" is the worst word in the world. Nothing is worse in a woman's eyes than a desperate man. Why not try acting like a creature with a backbone for a change instead of being one more pathetic?

So at the end of the day you've got one problem in your obsession with Emily, plus you've got your roommate－you've got to get rid of her, and that's another problem. But you know what, buddy? I think you're living with a good one－Jill－right now. And you don't even see it. Maybe you should open your eyes to what's right in front of you in the present instead of living in the past. The past is over, in case you haven't noticed. Why would you want to torture yourself over what's finished and done? You got a problem or something?

Remember: Never try and keep someone who doesn't want to keep you.