如何应对同辈压力
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在成长的道路上,你往往要作出很多具有挑战性的决定。有些在对错之间未必会有直接答案,比如是要看电影还是打游戏机呢?有时候,一些决定需要经过慎重考虑,因为它们可能与你的价值观和道德标准有冲突――例如,要瞒着父母跟朋友外出吗?要试试抽烟吗?
自己做决定是困难的。当其他人试图强迫你跟随他们的一套时,那就难上加难了。这时,你就遇到了“同辈压力”。这是人人都要面对的问题,你的父母和其他成年人也不例外。究竟什么是同辈压力?应该如何应对?一起来探讨一下吧――
“Come on! ALL of us are cutting math. Who wants to go take that quiz? We’re going to take a walk and get lunch instead. Let’s go!” says the coolest kid in your class. Do you do what you know is right and go to math class, quiz and all? Or do you give in and go with them?
As you grow older, you’ll be faced with some challenging decisions. Some don’t have a clear right or wrong answer like should you play soccer or hockey? Other decisions involve serious moral[道德的] questions, like whether to cut class, try cigarettes, or lie to your parents.
Making decisions on your own is hard enough, but when other people get involved and try to pressure you one way or another, it can be even harder. People who are your age, like your classmates, are called peers[同辈]. When they try to influence you how to act, to get you to do something, it’s called peer pressure. It’s something everyone has to deal with even adults.
Let’s talk about how to handle it.
Defining Peer Pressure
Peers influence your life, even if you don’t realize it. You learn from them, and they learn from you. It’s only human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.
Peers can have a positive[积极的] influence on each other. Maybe another student in your science class taught you an easy way to remember the planets in the solar system, or someone on the soccer team taught you a cool trick with the ball. You might admire a friend who is always a good sport[风格高的运动员] and try to be more like him or her. Maybe you got others excited about your new favorite book, and now everyone’s reading it. These are examples of how peers positively influence each other every day.
Sometimes peers influence each other in negative[消极的] ways. For example, a few kids in school might try to get you to cut class with them, your soccer friend might try to convince[使信服] you to be mean to another player and never pass her the ball, or a kid in the neighborhood might want you to shoplift[从商店中偷商品] with him.
Why Do People Give In to Peer Pressure
Some kids give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, to fit in, or because they worry that other kids may make fun of them if they don’t go along with the group. Others may go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing. The idea that “everyone’s doing it” may influence some kids to leave their better judgment, or their common sense, behind.
How to Walk Away from Peer Pressure
It is tough to be the only one who says “no” to peer pressure, but you can do it. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm and walk away.
It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say “no,” too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It’s great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don’t want to do something.
You’ve probably had a parent or teacher advise you to “choose your friends wisely.” Peer pressure is a big reason why they say this. If you choose friends who don’t use drugs, cut class, smoke cigarettes, or lie to their parents, then you probably won’t do these things either, even if other kids do. Try to help a friend who’s having trouble resisting peer pressure. It can be powerful for one kid to join another by simply saying, “I’m with you let’s go.”
Even if you’re faced with peer pressure while you’re alone, there are still things you can do. You can simply stay away from peers who pressure you to do stuff you know is wrong. You can tell them “no” and walk away. Better yet, find other friends and classmates to pal[结成好友] around with.
If you continue to face peer pressure and you’re finding it difficult to handle, talk to someone you trust. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve made a mistake or two.
Talking to a parent, teacher, or school counselor can help you feel much better and prepare you for the next time you face peer pressure.
Powerful, Positive Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is not always a bad thing. For example, positive peer pressure can be used to pressure bullies[欺凌弱小者] into acting better towardsother kids. If enough kids get together, peers can pressure each other into doing what’s right!
“来吧!我们全部人都要逃数学课了。谁想做那个小测?我们不如出去散散步、吃午饭吧。走啦!”你们班上最酷的那个孩子这样说道。那么,你会不会坚持做你认为正确的事,继续上数学课、做小测呢?或者选择妥协,和他们一起出去?
随着年纪渐长,你将不得不面对一些很有挑战性的抉择。有些事情没有清晰的对或错――例如,你应该去踢足球还是打曲棍球?而另外一些则牵涉到严肃的道德问题,比如要不要逃课、吸烟,或者对父母
说谎。
独自做决定已经够难的了,但是当其他人插手进来,试图说服你做出某种决定时,那就更难办了。所谓“同辈”,指的就是和你同龄的人,比如你的同学。当他们想要影响你的行为方式、迫使你做某种事情时,就产生了“同辈压力”。每个人都必须面对同辈压力,甚至大人也不例外。以下我们就来谈谈如何应对吧。
何谓同辈压力
即使你并未察觉,同辈也在影响着你的生活。你向他们学习,他们也从你身上学到东西。在你这个年龄群体中,听同龄人说的话、向同龄人学习,这些都是人的一种天性。
同辈之间可以互相产生积极的影响。比如在科学课上,某位同学教会你一种很容易便记住太阳系行星的方法,或者足球队里有人教你一招踢球绝技。你可能很羡慕某位很有运动员风范的朋友,想要变得像他/她一样。或许你让别人为你新买的那本最喜欢的书兴奋不已,以至于现在全部人都在读它。这些都是日常生活里同辈之间互相给予积极影响的例子。
然而,有时同辈之间也会带给彼此消极的影响。例如,学校里的一些孩子可能试图说服你和他们一起逃课;和你一起踢足球的队友想说服你欺负另一名队友,不传球给她;或者邻居的小孩想拉你和他一起去商店偷东西。
人们为何向同辈压力屈服
有些孩子因为想得到别人的喜欢、变得合群而屈服于同辈压力,又或者因为他们担心如果不跟大伙儿一起走的话,其他孩子会取笑他们。还有一些人则可能出于好奇,想尝试一下别人做的新鲜事儿,所以依葫芦画瓢。此外,“大家都这么做”的想法也可能会影响一些孩子,让他们将自己原本正确的判断或常识抛诸脑后。
如何远离同辈压力
要做唯一一个拒绝同辈压力的人确实很难,但你完全可以做到。认真留意自己在对错是非上的判断和信念,这样可以帮助你明确自己应该做什么事情。内在的力量和自信心可以助你坚定立场、抽身而去。
如果身边有至少一位同辈或朋友也愿意说“不”的话,对你来说绝对有帮助。这将大大削弱同辈压力的力量,使抵抗变得更为容易。能拥有几个与自己有相同价值观的朋友很有益处,因为他们会在你不想做某件事情的时候支持你。
或许已经有父母或老师建议过你要“谨慎择友”。同辈压力是他们这么说的一个重要原因。如果你选择结交一些不吸毒、不逃课、不吸烟、不对父母撒谎的朋友,那么你可能也不会做这些事情,即使其他孩子都这么做。试着去帮助在抵抗同辈压力方面遇到麻烦的朋友。只需要简单的一句“我和你站在一起,我们走吧”,就能与另一个孩子结成盟友,组成强大
联盟。
即使你正孤身面对同辈压力,你并非束手无策。你可以避开那些对你施压、要你做一些你明知是错事的同辈。你可以对他们说“不”,然后走开。更好的办法是找到其他朋友和同学与你结伴。
如果你依然面对同辈压力,觉得难以应付,那么和你信任的人谈谈吧。即使犯了一两次错,也不要感到太过内疚。跟父母、老师或学校辅导员谈谈,这会让你感觉好些,并让你在下次面对同辈压力的时候做好准备。
强大、积极的同辈压力
同辈压力并不总是一件坏事。例如,积极的同辈压力可以用来向小恶霸们施压,让他们对其他小孩好一点。如果有足够多的孩子能团结起来,同辈之间就可以互相施压,最后大家都去做正确的事!