潍坊婚俗 第22期
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先圣孔子创立的以“仁、义、礼、智、信”为中心思想的儒家文化,在中华民族的婚嫁礼俗中得到秉承和传续,源远流长。由古而今,男大当婚,女大当嫁。男婚女嫁,乃人生一大庆典,向有“小登科”之称。古人认为结婚是人伦之始,合两性之好,上可事宗庙,下可继后世,因而形成了一种约定俗成的婚俗礼仪。
潍坊古邑,人杰地灵 ,文化底蕴深厚。其婚俗礼仪,既融合了民族婚俗共性的内容与形式,又形成了鲜明独特的地域文化与民俗特色。现择其婚俗中的几个主要程序及其内容作一介绍。
提亲。又称议婚。从前男女婚媾,多是家长包办,媒人介绍,即所谓“父母之命,媒妁之言”。潍坊地区提亲,一般男方18至20岁,女方16至18岁之间。媒人,也称“介绍人”或“红娘”,根据掌握的男女双方的信息,包括男女双方的年龄、身高、长相、品行、文化程度、健康状况,以及双方家庭的主要成员、经济、住房状况等,认为双方门第相当,财产经济状况悬殊不大,年龄属相、品貌比较般配,媒人便来往双方家长之间,从中说合,商量缔结婚姻关系。也有男家早已相中女方的品貌,遣媒提亲。女方可以根据男方家庭门第的高下,财产的多少,男方品貌的优劣进行抉择。过去的职业媒婆多是腿勤嘴巧的中年妇女,在男女双方不见面、信息不流通的年代,双方的好坏全凭媒婆一张嘴来介绍。而媒婆为了促成双方婚姻从中得到丰厚的谢礼,往往两头欺瞒,尽量说服双方消除疑点喜结良缘。提亲除媒婆之外,社会上还有一些热心做好事的人,或者男女双方的亲朋好友,婶子、大娘、嫂子等,往往也乐意充当“媒人”的角色。这样的人介绍往往比“媒人”要可信可靠,因为介绍人与被介绍的双方比较了解,一般不会去做一些欺瞒对方损人利己的事情。
经过提亲,如果双方家长认为可以做亲,还要请算命先生或阴阳先生来合婚,主要测算男女双方的生辰八字和属相是否相克。有许多流传的说法,如在属相上,“龙虎相斗,狗兔不合”,“白马犯青牛,鸡猴不到头”。在命相上,如一方为金命,一方为火命,命中“火刻金”,这门亲就不能再进行下去。如一方为木命,一方为火命。则“木生火”,大吉之兆,可以成婚。以上提亲程序之后,便可以正式签订婚约程序――传启。如今是信息社会,男女交往频繁,网上谈恋爱,集体相亲已十分平常。但在潍坊的高密、昌邑、安丘一带农村,即使男女青年之间已经建立了恋爱关系,双方家长请媒人或亲戚朋友到对方家里提亲这一程序还是必不可少的。
传启。也叫“换帖”,即男女双方家庭以正式文书的形式确定结亲。男家请人用红纸将求亲之意写成帖子,写清男方的生辰八字,再写上“恭候金诺”等吉祥语,落款以家长的名义,折成帖状,并备好红漆礼盒或拜匣,高密、诸城、昌乐一带用“竹院子”,礼盒内要有压帖物,如耳坠、戒指、玉镯、项链等,“竹院子”里放猪肉、饽饽、粉条、面点等。齐备后,一般由男方的祖父或近房大伯、叔叔亲自到女方家送帖。女方接帖后即回帖,上写“仰遵玉言”、“谨尊台命”等吉祥语,然后用包袱包上腰带、鞋垫等,鞋垫上绣有鸳鸯戏水,双枝连理等图案。传启之后,双方的婚姻关系正式确定并得到乡村邻里的公认,无论哪一方提出退婚,都会被认为是不道德的。尤其男方不能提出悔婚。女方在这之后经过考察了解,认为很不中意,允许悔婚,但要如数退还男方所送的彩礼,这叫“羞男不羞女”,也可以看作过去人们对妇女的尊重。
送日子。即男方选定了举行婚礼的吉日,然后派媒人去女家讨取女方的属相、八字,再请人择定吉月利日良辰,同时还要避开迎亲、送亲之人属相上的忌讳。测日的口诀有歌为循,如“一、七迎鸡兔;二、八虎与猴;三、九蛇共猪;四、十龙和狗;牛羊五、十一;鼠马六、十二”。送亲、迎亲属相的忌讳是:“辰子申忌蛇鸡牛,巳酉丑忌虎马狗,寅午戊忌猪兔羊,亥卯未忌龙鼠猴”。吉日良辰一般选两个,一个在上半月,一个在下半月,由女家选定后再正式确定。择定吉日后,便写成婚书,格式和内容如下:
谨尊坤命,选择嫁娶期
1、××××××行嫁利月:兹择于本年×月×日,全吉。
2、××××××娶送男女客人,忌×相,大吉。
3、××××××上下本轿,面向×方迎喜神,大吉。
4、××××××安庐坐帐,宜用×屋×间。
5、××××××冠戴:面向×方迎贵神,大吉。坐帐,面向×方迎喜神,
大吉。
6、××××××路逢井、石、宙宇,用花红遮之,大吉。
天地氤氲,咸桓庆会。金玉满堂,长命富贵。
×年×月×日
送日子同时必备聘礼。聘礼多是红衫、蓝袄面、戒指、坠子、带子等,还要送女方筹备妆奁之资。其数额根据男方家庭经济条件而定,但决不能显得寒酸,否则同村的姑娘互相攀比,女方面子上很过不去。婚书和聘礼用红包袱包好,上插柏枝,寓意:“长命百岁”,“百事如意”。
送过婚书之后,女方便准备嫁妆,男方家开始布置新房,准备迎娶。亲朋好友也开始送喜礼。向男方家送的喜礼一般是一刀肉、一对鸡、一对鱼、二斤粉皮。向女方家送的喜礼称作“填箱”,一般送衣物、被褥、布料等。也有向男女双方家送喜钱的,又叫“随份子”。凡送喜礼和“随份子”的,结婚时必须请喝喜酒,并送喜烟、喜糖。
临近婚期,男方要向女家送“催妆礼”,女方则派人到男方家送嫁妆,女方的嫁妆一般是桌椅、箱柜、两铺两盖,现时应有的家用电器等。
婚礼。婚礼通称“公事”,通常请亲戚朋友和街坊邻居共同帮忙,主持操办的人叫“总管”,按照主人家的意图具体安排诸如写对联、下请柬、启用车轿、请乐队、办酒席、迎亲送亲、签到记账等。现在一些人家大都请专业婚礼庆典公司来操办。
婚礼前一天,男方家亲戚朋友都已到齐,晚间请乐队来吹奏演唱庆贺一番。过去结婚时兴花轿,新郎身穿长袍马褂,头戴礼帽,胸前一朵大红花,乘坐的轿称“官轿”,新郎称“状元郎”。根据路途的往返远近,确定启轿的时间。准备给新娘坐的轿称“花轿”,去的时候,“花轿”不能空着,得找一个父母双全的小男孩压轿,俗称“压轿童子”。准备停当,鞭炮齐鸣,锣鼓喧天,器乐齐奏,吹吹打打启程前去迎亲。新娘在上轿前,要“开脸”和“上头”。“开脸”,就是用红线把脸上的绒毛绞掉。“上头”,则是把发辫绾成髻,是新娘由姑娘向媳妇转变的标志。临上轿前,父母分离,新娘难免要哭一场,以示难舍难离父母的养育之恩。启轿后,一路不能落轿,沿路凡经过路口、桥梁、寺庙、山河、村庄等处,都要贴一个字贴。旧时结婚称“小登科”,新郎即“状元郎”,路上遇到县官的轿子,县太爷也得避让。遇到送殡的也不忌讳和避让,谓之“白头到老”。
现在年轻人结婚,一般已不用花轿而改为用轿车,一色的用“皇冠”、“宫爵王”、“宝马”、“奔驰”、“奥迪”等等,但很少用“桑塔纳”。这可能在谐音上图个吉利。
新娘下轿时,头盖蒙头红、脚踏红地毯,由女嫔扶佐走进“天井里”,走时有人往其身上撒五谷杂粮、彩色纸屑、红杏、花生、栗子、麸子等,叫“撒谷豆”,目的在于驱邪。天地桌摆在堂屋门前,上放升、斗各一个,装满高粱,蒙上红纸,斗中插一杆秤。斗前升内烧一束香。升前竖一面铜镜。新郎新娘站在桌前红毡上,女东男西,跟着司仪的喊声:一拜天地,二拜高堂,夫妻对拜,送入洞房。仪式结束后,新郎用一根红绸牵着新娘走向洞房,到洞房门口,用供桌子上的秤杆将新娘蒙头红挑下,然后新娘才进入洞房。
新娘“坐帐”要面向喜神所在的地方。“坐帐”前要有几个小男孩“踏帐”,边踩边有人把栗子、红枣、花生撒在床上,边念叨“一把栗子一把枣,明年生个大胖小”。新娘“坐帐”后,亲戚朋友和街坊邻居都来看新娘,让新娘点烟,向新娘要糖果、点心吃,热闹一番。傍晚时分,新房内置矮炕桌,几碟小菜、点心,新郎新娘喝合卺酒,也叫“交杯酒”、“合欢酒”。喝交杯酒有闹房者围观,主持者左手执杯给右首的新娘,右手执杯给左首的新郎。夫妻同时各饮半杯,然后交换酒杯再饮。闹房是婚礼上气氛最为活跃的节目,“新媳妇三日无老少”,人人都可以和新娘闹,但主要的还是一些晚辈和与新郎知心要好的朋友。大家说一些俏皮话,让新娘开心。也有一些毛头小青年拉拉扯扯,动手动脚,但新娘新郎一般不会动气,气氛越活跃说明人缘关系越好。
新婚之夜,要点“长明灯”,新娘、新郎上床时,本族的小叔小姑们还会在窗外听“悄悄话”,有时候憋不住笑出声来,新郎新娘倒觉得很难为情,而且以后还会成为他们开玩笑的话把。婚礼后的第一天上午,新娘由妯娌们带领,到本族的长辈家里请安磕头,长辈们都要给喜钱。第三天新娘要回娘家,称“回门”。新娘的哥哥或叔叔来把新娘接回去,住一晚,第二天新郎去接回来。要是娘家太远,也可以“搬三”,即由本村与男方家要好的邻居把新娘接过去在家里住一晚上,新郎不能同去,第二天招待新娘吃了中午饭后送回来。
潍坊婚俗内容是非常丰厚的,许多都被人们承袭延续着,在丰富着历史的同时,也丰富着婚俗文化。
The Ancient Marriage Customs of Weifang
Confucianism culture, that takes “benevolence, righteousness, courtesy, wisdom and cautiousness” as its essence, has been inherited and applied to the wedding customs in China. From ancient times to the present, folk wedding customs have been formed by usage.
In Weifang, an ancient city in Shandong Province, where a deep traditional culture has been formed, the marriage customs display unique regional and folk characteristics.
Proposing marriage. In ancient times, most of young people’s marriages were arranged by their parents and they were introduced by the matchmakers. In Weifang, marriage was proposed when the young men were at the age of 18 to 20 and the girls were at the age of 16 to 18. According to the details of the young men and young girls, such as their age, height, appearance, conducts, educational level, health condition, family background, and economic and housing conditions, if the matchmaker thought that a young man and a young girl were properly matched, he (she) would make introduction to the parents of the two families to establish the marriage relationship. If a young man’s family favored a pretty young girl, his parents also would ask a matchmaker to propose marriage to the young girl’s family. The girls’ families could make choices according to the young men’s family status, wealth, physical appearance and conduct. Most of the professional matchmakers were middle-aged women who were good at persuasion. In an era when the young men and young girls had no opportunities to see each other and no information was available, all the information for both sides depended on the introduction of the matchmakers. With a view to getting rich rewards from the marriage, the matchmakers always lied to both sides to eliminate their doubts so as to bring about the marriage. Besides the professional matchmakers, some warmhearted people, such as the young people’s good friends, aunties and sisters-in-law also liked to act as the matchmaker. What’s more, they were more reliable and trustworthy than the professional matchmakers.
Exchanging engagement letters. The parents of both the young men and the young girls confirmed the marriage relationship with formal written letters. Usually, a young man’s family had the marriage proposal written on a piece of red paper, and sent the letter to the girl’s family with some affiliated gifts, such as pearls, rings and jade bangles. After receiving the letter, the young girl’s family would send back a confirmation letter with gifts such as belts and insoles to confirm the marriage proposal.
Wedding. Usually, relatives and neighbors of the bridegroom were invited to help to organize the wedding. The person in charge of the wedding affairs, called the “Chief Steward”, was responsible for writing the couplets, letter of invitations, renting sedan chairs, feasts and guest receptions.
One day before the wedding, the bridegroom’s relatives and friends would come to his family. During the night, a band would be invited to perform to celebrate the wedding. For the bride, before leaving her home for the bridegroom’s home, she should bid farewell in tears to her parents to show her gratitude to them.