记忆中,父爱炙热如火

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I remember when I was young my father would go away for a few weeks at a time. When he came home， my mother and I would go and meet him at the station. I can still feel the sense of anticipation that coursed through me as we sat in the warmth of the car， waiting for his train to arrive.

Being only four years old， the weeks of his absence felt like an eternity. Finally， as the train pulled into the platform， we would get out of the car and stand waiting for him outside the station. I would look expectantly into the faces of the people as they emerged through the gates， hoping that this one would be him.

When he eventually appeared， I would shout out and run to him， flying headlong into his open arms. He would pick me up， hug and kiss me， spin me around， and hug me again. As he carried me to the car I could feel the love radiating out from him， just as it was from me.

I knew then， at those times， that he loved me more than anything else in the world and I basked in the warm glow of his love. He hugged me as if his heart would explode from the pressure of all that love.

For days after his return I could feel the power of it emanating from him. Every day he would hug me and， although he never said it， showed that he did truly love me. He wasn’t one for talking about his feelings much. I suppose he expected everyone would know how he felt by some mysterious form of emotional osmosis.

In the days after his return it was obvious how he felt. He showed his love in many ways， and I was happy with that. But after a few weeks things would go back to normal and his heart would return to its usual size， a bit like an old semi-inflated balloon left over after a party. He still loved me， but the intensity was not the same. I felt as if I had lost something， but I couldn’t quite remember what it was or where I had put it.

I found that I would start looking forward to his next trip away， that I would knowingly trade my ordinary， room temperature father for a few weeks of having no father at all. I knew that I would miss him of course， and that with each day without him the empty place in my heart would grow more and more unbearable as I awaited his return. But it would be worth it， for， as my longing grew， so too would the emptiness inside of him. I wanted his heart to once again double in size and beat fit to burst.

I used to lie awake at night， imagining him going away one more time. When， upon his return， I would once again feel that I was the most important person in the whole world， even if it was for just a few days.

记得我小的时候，爸爸经常一出门就是好几个星期。等他回家时，我和妈妈就会去火车站接他。直到现在，我仍能感觉到当时我们坐在暖和的车里等着爸爸坐的火车到达时那种满怀期待的心情。

对于当时年仅四岁的我而言，爸爸离开的那几个星期好像漫长得没有尽头。终于，火车驶入站台了，妈妈和我就会下车，站在车站外面等他出来。人群从各个大门走出来时，我总会满怀期待地望着他们的脸，希望我看到的一个人就是爸爸。

爸爸终于出现时，我会大叫一声向他跑去，飞奔着一头扎进他向我张开的怀抱。他会把我举起来，抱着我亲我，把我转个圈儿，然后再次抱紧我。在爸爸抱着我走向车子的时候，我能感觉到从他身上散发出来的爱，和从我身上散发出来的一样。

于是就在那些时刻里，我知道他爱我胜过这世上的其他一切，便惬意地沐浴在他那强烈而又温暖的爱中。爸爸把我抱得紧紧的，就好像他的心脏会在满心爱意的挤压之下爆裂一样。

在他回来后的几天里，我都能感觉到从他身上散发的那种爱的力量。每天，他都会拥抱我，都会表现出他真的特别爱我，尽管他从未说出来过。他不是那种过多表达自己感情的人。我猜想，他是希望每个人都能通过某种神秘的移情来理解他的感受。

爸爸刚回来的那些天，他的感受显而易见，他在很多方面都表现出对我的爱，对此我很开心。可是，几个星期以后，一切就会回归正常，他的心脏也会缩回到正常大小，有点像聚会结束后留下的只充了一半气的旧气球。他仍是爱我的，可那种强烈的程度已然不同。我觉得自己好像丢了什么，却不太记得那究竟是什么，也不记得自己把它放在了哪里。

我发现自己会开始期待他的下一次外出，发现自己会有意地用我那普通的、常温的爸爸去换取几周完全没有他的日子。我知道自己当然会想念他，也知道他不在身边的每一天，我心中空荡荡的，会在等他归家的日子里变得越来越难以忍受。不过那是值得的，因为随着我对他的渴望日益增强，他内心的那种空荡荡的感觉也会不断增强。我想让他的心再一次涨大一倍，让它强烈地跳动，直至爆发。

那时，我常常晚上躺在床上睡不着，想象着爸爸又一次离开了家。等他回来时，我就会再一次感受到自己是全世界最重要的人，即便那种感受只能持续几天。