学生习作点评Ⅱ

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[题目]

随着物质生活水平的不断提高，人们对生活的质量有了更高的要求。良好的生活习惯、健康的身体，已成为人们追求的时尚。请根据如下提示，写一篇题为“Good Eating Habits and Health”的短文，字数100个单词左右。句子开头已给出。

提示：

1．过去人们的饮食习惯。

2．现在人们的生活水平提高了，人们的饮食习惯发生了改变。

3．在日常生活中人们吃的肉、鱼、蛋类食物以及垃圾食物过多了。

4．对日常保持健康的几点建议。

Good Eating Habits and Health

In today’s world， people have known____________________________________________

[学生习作]

Good Eating Habits and Health

In today’s world， people have known it is important to have good eating habits to keep health (1) . Inthepast， people ate three meals at home， and they ate less meat，fish and more vegetable (2) . They were very strong and seldom went to see doctors.

Now life becomes better and people’s eating habits have changed. They often eat outside. They eat more meat， fish， eggs and the other(3) food with more fat and often enjoy eating junk food as (4) hamburgers，hot dogs， French fries and chips. But they are not good for health and we are easy to be ill. Why?

I think more meat， fish and junk food， less exercise are bad for our health. The better our life is， the more important it is for us to get into good eating habits .(5)

（山东省临清市先锋中学 管路路）

[点评]

作者开门见山，直接切入主题，紧紧围绕所提供的提示阐述。条理分明，行文较连贯，层次清楚。能够正确地使用一些较难的句型，如it is important to do...；the more...， the more...等。简单句复合句交替使用。作者不只是简单地陈述饮食习惯与健康有关这一事实，而且还对日常保持健康提出了自己的看法。从文中的几处错误可看出，作者在词语运用上，今后还要多练笔。

（1）health改为healthy。“保持健康”通常用keep healthy。

（2）vegetable为可数名词，改为vegetables。此处错误是因为作者在行文中的惯性思维，受前文meat， fish影响所致。

（3）the other通常指两者或两部分中的“另一个”，含特指意义。此处并非特指，所以应去掉定冠词the。

（4）as应改为介词like（像……）或者such as（诸如……）。

（5）此句英语表达地道，“the ＋比较级...， the ＋比较级...”结构运用准确得当。

（山东省临清市先锋中学 吴志强）