孩子,我们永不会和你决裂!

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Dear Grandchild,

Grandma and Grandpa know that you’re hurting right now because Mommy and Daddy are breaking up. It’s called “divorce” and you probably know some other children who have gone through this, too. It happens a lot, more than anyone would like, but we want you to know that you’re not alone.

Grandma and Grandpa know that you probably don’t feel that way right now. It’s no fun at all, is it? Just a little while ago, things looked fine, everything seemed to be just right, and now everything seems to have fallen apart. We really wish we could somehow “kiss all the 1)boo-boos” and make everything right, but, sadly, Honey, we can’t.

We want you to know that this time is difficult for us, too. It makes us very sad to see the hurt and uncertainty in your eyes. When we sense that you are hurting, we hurt, too.

Mommy and Daddy have found that, for whatever reasons, they can’t go on living together. You must know that Mommy and Daddy still love YOU very much even if they are having problems with each other.

We want you to know several important things, things that we hope will help you to go through this scary and difficult time.

The first thing that we want to tell you is this: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You know, whenever a divorce happens, almost all children think that they did something that made it happen. And we want to promise you this―that is almost NEVER true! Mommies and Daddies who break up are doing so because they are having some big problems in their relationship. And you are not to blame. If you are blaming yourself, even a little bit, please let us know. Talk to us or write us and we’ll be your special friends and listen to your feelings.

The second thing we want you to know is that YOU PROBABLY CAN’T FIX IT. Lots of kids imagine that they might be able to find just the perfect thing to say or do and, magically, Mommy and Daddy will start loving each other again. We’re sorry to tell you, that also almost never works. Sometimes Mommies and Daddies DO get back together again, later, after a time apart and some time for healing, but that happens because THEY found their own reasons to do so.

The third and maybe the most important thing Grandma and Grandpa want to tell you is this: WE WILL NEVER DIVORCE YOU! We will ALWAYS be there for you when you need us. Sometimes we may be far away, but you can call or write us. We’ll answer as soon as we can. And you can always talk to us because we promise to be the very best listeners we can for you.

You need to know that we won’t ever 2)take sides between your Mommy and your Daddy. The only “side” we’re going to be on is YOURS. Instead, we’ll be a good listener and we’ll also help you find good things to do and great ways to spend your time. We’ll search for fun and we’ll make some of our own, too.

You might think that you’ll never be happy again or that things will never feel right again. We can understand those feelings. But we want you to know something that we’ve learned because we’ve lived so long and seen and experienced so many things―you WILL laugh again, it WILL get better. You’ll laugh and grow and experience joy again. Good things will happen. You will have many good times with Daddy and many good times with Mommy again, we assure you. It won’t be the same as it was but your life will be a good one. And the love that surrounds you―from your parents and from all your grandparents and from the rest of the family and all your friends―that love will heal and help.

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You can contact us easily. We’re enclosing a card with our address, home phone number, cell phone number and email address. So, no matter where you are, you’ll always be able to reach us. If you have to, you can 3)call us “collect.” I have also included a pack of 4)stamped postcards addressed to us. So you can always send us a card. And there’s a stack of 5)stamped addressed envelopes for when you have longer things to write or a nice picture to send us.

Honey, you’re not alone. Your Mommy and Daddy still love you, even if they are breaking up. And we’ll always love you, no matter what. And remember:

WE WILL NEVER DIVORCE YOU. NEVER.

LOVE,

Grandma and Grandpa

亲爱的孙子(/孙女):

爷爷奶奶知道你此时正难过着,因为爸爸妈妈分开了。那叫“离婚”,你大概也认识其他一些有类似经历的孩子。这种事很常见,没人愿意这样,但我们想要你知道,你并不是孤身一人。

爷爷奶奶知道你此刻或许并不这么认为。这一点儿也不好玩,不是吗?就在不久前,一切看上去都很好,似乎没任何问题;然而现在,一切似乎都崩溃了。我们真希望一切能像自己小时候受了伤被“亲亲”就没事了那样,但,让人难过的是,宝贝,我们做不到。

我们想要你知道,这个时候对于我们来说也很艰难。看到你眼里的痛苦和怀疑,我们感到很难过。当我们感觉到你在伤心,我们也会伤心。

无论出于什么原因,爸爸妈妈发现,他们无法继续在一起生活了。你必须明白,爸爸妈妈仍深爱着你,即使他们之间出现了问题。

我们想要你明白几件重要的事,希望这些事能帮你度过这段可怕的艰难时期。

我们想要告诉你的第一件事是:这不是你的错!你瞧,每当出现离婚的情况,几乎所有的孩子都会认为是他们做了一些事导致爸妈离婚。而我们想向你担保――基本上都不是这么一回事!爸爸妈妈分开是因为他们的关系出了大问题。没人会责怪你。如果你感到自责,即使是一点点的自责,也要让我们知道。跟我们说,或是写信给我们,我们将会成为你特别的朋友,倾听你的心声。

我们想要你知道的第二件事是:你很可能没法补救。很多孩子想象着,也许只要自己能说对些什么或做对些什么,然后,神奇地,爸爸妈妈又能重新彼此相爱。我们很遗憾地告诉你,那也几乎不起作用。有时,爸爸妈妈分开一段时间,各自疗伤之后,他们确实又在一起生活了,但发生这种情况是因为他们找到了自己的理由去这样做。

爷爷奶奶想告诉你的第三件事,也许也是最重要的一件事是:我们决不会和你决裂!当你需要我们时,我们将永远守候在你身边。有时,我们也许相隔很远,但你可以打电话或写信给我们。我们会尽快给你回电话或回信。有任何事情,你都可以跟我们说,因为我们答应你我们会尽力成为你最忠实的倾听者。

你需要知道,我们不会偏袒你爸妈中的任何一方。我们只会站在你那边。我们会成为你耐心的聆听者,还将帮你找些有意义的事去做,并找些好途径去消磨时间。我们会寻找乐趣,也会自己创造乐趣。

你也许会觉得自己将再也不会快乐起来,或者一切将再也不会好起来。我们能理解那些感受。但我们想要你知道一些我们学到的东西,因为我们活了这么久,看到的经历的都很多――你会再笑起来的,一切都会好起来。你会再笑起来,成长起来,再次感受到快乐。好事会发生。我们向你保证,你会和爸爸以及妈妈分别再度过很多美好的时光。虽然一切不会像过去那样,但你的生活将会是快乐的。而那些包围着你的爱――来自你爸妈、爷爷奶奶、外公外婆、家里的其他人,还有你所有的朋友――将会治愈你的伤口,帮你度过难关。

你能轻易地联系上我们。我们在信封里附上了一张写有我们地址、家里电话、手机号码和电子邮箱地址的卡片。所以,无论你在哪里,你总能联系上我们。有需要的话,你可以给我们打“对方付费电话”。我还在信封里放进了一叠写着我们地址的邮资明信片。所以你总能寄张卡片给我们。另外,还有一叠已写好邮寄地址的邮资信封,以备你有比较长的信要写,或是有漂亮的画要寄给我们。

宝贝,你不是孤身一人。即使你的爸爸妈妈将要分开,他们仍爱着你。而无论发生什么事,我们都将永远爱着你。要记住:

我们决不会和你决裂。决不会。

爱你的,

爷爷奶奶

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