Funny Stories

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Chaplin and a fly

One afternoon when Charlie Chaplin(卓别林)was sitting together with his friends talking，a fly flew into the room and kept flying around Chaplin?蒺s head. Chaplin waved his hand to drive it away，but the fly soon came back again. For once it even rested on his nose！Chaplin got angry. He took up a fly-swatter(苍蝇拍)and swung at it，but the fly got away in time.

Then the fly flew around in the room for a few seconds and finally it just rested on the table before Chaplin. He lifted the swatter and thought he would surely kill it. Carefully and quickly Chaplin put down the swatter.

“Why didn?蒺t you kill it?”asked one of his friends. Chaplin shrugged his shoulders(耸耸肩). “It was the same fly，”he said with a smile.

The doctor?蒺s advice

Once an old gentleman went to see a doctor. The doctor examined him and said:“Medicine won?蒺t help you. You must have a complete rest. Go to a quiet country place for a month，go to bed early，drink milk，walk a lot and smoke just one cigar(雪茄)a day.”

“Thank you very much，”said the gentleman. “I shall do everything you say.”

A month later the old gentleman came to the doctor again. “How do you do？”said the doctor.“I am very glad to see you. You look much younger.”

“Oh，doctor，”said the old gentleman，“I feel quite well now. I had a good rest. I went to bed early and drank a lot of milk. I walked a lot every day. Your advice certainly helped me. But you told me to smoke one cigar a day and that almost killed me at first. It?蒺s no joke to start smoking at my age.”

Bigger or smaller?

One of Harry?蒺s feet was bigger than the other.“I can never find boots or shoes for my feet，”he said to his friend Dick.

“Why don?蒺t you go to a shoemaker?”Dick said，“A good one can make you the right shoes.”

“I?蒺ve never been to a shoemaker，”Harry said.“Aren?蒺t they very expensive?”

“No，”Dick said，“some of them aren?蒺t. There?蒺s a good one in our village and he?蒺s quite cheap. Here?蒺s his address.”He wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to Harry.

Harry went to the shoemaker in Dick?蒺s village a few days later，and the man made him some shoes. Harry went to the shop again a week later and looked at the shoes. But he said to the shoemaker angrily. “You?蒺re a silly man. I said，‘Make one shoe bigger than the other，’but you?蒺ve made one smaller than the other.”

Jack and a young policeman

Jack had a small，red car，and he liked driving it very fast. This was all right when he was out in the country，but in towns and big villages driving fast is dangerous，so there is always a speed limit(车速限制). In Jack?蒺s country it was fifty kilometres an hour. Jack often drove faster than that through towns.

One day Jack was driving his car through a town when a very young policeman stopped him and said，“You were driving at more than fifty kilometres an hour，sir. Please give me your name and address.”

Jack looked at the young policeman carefully for a few seconds and then said to him，“But I start my journey less than an hour ago！”

The policeman was new to his work and did not know how to answer Jack?蒺s excuse. He thought for a while and then let Jack go.