救救我的自尊心
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Steve’s mind wanders as he is doing his homework. “I’m never going to do well on this history test,” he thinks. “My dad’s right. I’ll never amount to
much[有重要性].” Distracted, he looks down and thinks how skinny his legs are. “Ugh,” he says to himself. “I bet the football coach won’t even let me try out when he sees what a wimp[懦弱的人] I am.”
Julio is studying for the same history test as Steve, and he’s also not too fond of the subject. But he has a completely different outlook[观点，看法]. He’s
more likely to think, “Okay, history again, what a pain. Thank goodness I’m acing[做得非常好] the subject I love -
math.” And when Julio thinks about the way he looks, it’s also a lot more positive[积极的]. Although he is shorter and skinnier than Steve, Julio is less likely to criticize[批评] his body and more likely to think, “I may be skinny, but I can really run. I’d be a good player on the football team.”
We all have a mental[精神的] picture of who we are, how we look, what we’re good at, and what our weaknesses might be. We develop this picture over time, starting when we’re young kids. The term self-image is used to refer to a person’s mental picture of himself or herself. A lot of our self-image is based on interactions[相互作用] we have with other people and our life experiences. This mental picture contributes to[促成] our self-esteem[自尊心].
Self-esteem is all about how much we feel valued, loved, accepted, and thought-well-of by others - and how much we value, love, and accept ourselves. People with healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves, appreciate[欣赏] their own worth, and take pride in their abilities, skills, and
accomplishments[成就]. People with low self-esteem may feel as if no one will like them or
accept them or that they can’t do well in anything.
We all experience problems with self-esteem at certain times in our lives, especially during our teens when we’re figuring
out who we are and where we fit in[适应] the world. The good news is that, because everyone’s
self-image changes over time, self-esteem is not fixed for life. So if you feel that your self-esteem isn’t all it could be, you can improve it.
Self-Esteem Problems
Before a person can overcome self-esteem problems and build healthy self-esteem, it helps to know what might cause those problems in the first place. Two things in particular - how others see or treat us and how we see ourselves - can have a big impact[影响] on our self-esteem.
Parents, teachers, and other authority[权威]
figures[人物] influence[影响] the ideas we develop about ourselves, particularly when we are little kids. If parents spend more time criticizing than praising a child, it can be harder for a kid to develop good self-esteem.
Obviously, self-esteem can be damaged when someone whose acceptance is important (like a parent or teacher) constantly[经常地] puts you down[（使）自惭形秽].
But criticism doesn’t always come from other people. Like Steve in the story above, some teens also have an “inner critic,” a voice inside that seems to find fault with everything they do. Over time, listening to a negative[消极的] inner voice can harm a person’s self-esteem.
Unrealistic expectations can also affect a person’s
self-esteem. Everyone’s image of the ideal person is different. Some people admire athletic skills and others
admire academic[学术的] abilities. People who see
themselves as having the qualities they admire usually have high self-esteem; those who don’t may develop low self-esteem. In fact, people who have low self-esteem often do have the qualities they admire. They just can’t see that because their self-image is trained that way.
Steps to Improving Self-Esteem
If you want to improve your self-esteem, here are some steps to start empowering[授予权力] yourself:
Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you’re used to focusing on your
shortcomings, start thinking about positive
aspects[方面] of yourself.
Aim for accomplishments rather than
perfection. Are you expecting the impossible? It’s good to aim high, but your goals should be within reach. So go ahead and dream about being a star athlete, but set your sights on improving your game in specific ways.
View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person’s talents are constantly developing, and
everyone excels[胜过他人] at different things.
Recognize what you can change and what you can’t. If you realize that you’re unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it’s something you can’t change (like your height), then start to work
toward loving yourself the way you are.
Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don’t be afraid to voice them.
Exercise! You’ll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.
Have fun. Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time.
It’s never too late to build healthy, positive
self-esteem. Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything you do. People with high self-esteem may find it
easier to make friends. They tend to have better
relationships with peers[同辈] and adults, find it easier to deal with mistakes and failures. It takes some work, but it’s a skill you’ll have for life.
史蒂夫在做作业，脑袋却在胡思乱想。“这次历史测验我一定考不好，”他想。“爸爸说得对，我永远不会有什么出息。”他心不在焉地往下看，觉得自己的腿是那么的瘦。“唉，”他自言自语地说，“我敢打赌橄榄球教练看到我这么懦弱，肯定连试训的机会都不给我。”
朱里奥和史蒂夫一样在为同一个历史测验复习。他也不太喜欢这一科，但抱着另一种截然不同的态度。他更倾向于这样想：“好吧，又是历史，真痛苦。幸好我在自己最爱的数学上取得优异成绩。”当朱里奥想到自己的身材，其态度也更积极。虽然他比史蒂夫更矮更瘦，但朱里奥很少挑剔自己的身材，反而会这样想：“我也许是瘦了点儿，但我很能跑。我会是橄榄球队里不错的
球员。”
我们在脑海中都有一幅关于自己是谁，长得怎样，擅长什么，以及弱点在哪里的图像。从我们孩提时起，这幅图像便随着年月不断改变。“自我形象”一词指的就是一个人自我认识形成的心理图像。很多自我形象都建立在我们与他人的互动以及自己的生活经验之上。这个心理图像造就了我们的自尊心。
自尊心就是在多大程度上感受到来自他人的尊重、爱惜、认同以及称赞时的感受，同时也是我们尊重、爱惜和接受自我的感受。拥有良好自尊心的人往往自我感觉良好，欣赏自身价值，并以自己的能力、技巧和成就为荣。自尊心不足的人可能会觉得没有人喜欢或接受他们，又或者觉得自己一事
无成。
在人生的某些阶段，每个人都会经历一些自尊心方面的问题，尤其是青少年时期――我们在思索自己是谁，在这个世界扮演什么角色。令人欣喜的是，因为每个人的自我形象随时间而变化，自尊心并不是一成不变的。因此，如果你觉得自己的自尊心不足，你可以去改善这种情况。
造成自尊心不足的原因
在你克服自尊心问题并建立良好自尊心之前，首先了解一下可能导致这些问题的原因，这是很有帮助的。对自尊心影响特别大的有以下两点――别人怎样看待你，以及你怎样看待自己。
家长、老师还有其他权威人士会影响我们对自身认识的想法，特别是在我们年幼的时候。如果家长对孩子的批评多于赞赏，那么孩子要建立良好的自尊心可能会比较困难。
显而易见，当一个人经常得不到重要的人（如家长或老师）的赞同，他的自尊心很可能会受到损坏。然而，批评不总是来自别人。像上面故事中的史蒂夫那样，一些青少年也会有一位“内心批判者”――脑子里似乎总是有把声音在对自己的一举一动吹毛求疵。久而久之，听着这么消极的心声便会伤害到一个人的自尊。
不切实际的愿望也会影响一个人的自尊心。每个人对完美的想象各有不同。有些人追求运动技能，有些人则向往学术能力。那些认为自己具有他们所欣赏的品质的人通常拥有很强的自尊心；而那些不这样想的人可能会发展成自尊心不足。事实上，自尊心不足的人一般都拥有他们所欣赏的品质，只是因为他们习惯这样想，他们看不见而已。
增强自尊心的妙招
如果你想增强自尊心，以下几个步骤能给予你力量：
试着不对自己产生消极的想法。如果你习惯把注意力放在自己的缺点上，那么想想好的方面。
以完成任务为目标，无须做到十全十美。你是否期望能完成不可能的事？目标远大是好事，但你的目标应该定在可以实现的范围内。所以只管向前进，梦想成为一位明星运动员吧，但你要把眼界定在如何增强运动技能的具体方法上。
把错误视为学习的机会。接受自己会犯错的事实，因为人人都会做错事。犯错是学习的一部分。提醒自己，一个人的才华是不断发展的，每个人都有不同的专长。
认识到什么是能改变的，什么是不能改变的。如果你意识到对自己的某方面感到不满，而且你能改变，那么今天就行动起来吧。如果有些东西是你不能改变的（比如身高），那么就努力去爱自己的本质。
以自己的观点和想法为荣。不要害怕把它们说出来。
锻炼身体！这能减轻压力，让你变得更加健康快乐。
尽情享乐。享受与你在乎的人在一起的时光，享受做自己热爱的事情的快乐。放松一下，痛快地玩吧。
现在开始建立健康积极的自尊心也为时未晚。自尊心几乎对你所做的每一件事都会起作用。自尊心强的人可能更容易结交朋友；他们与同龄人、大人的关系可能更好，能更轻松地应对错误与失败。这需要下点功夫，但这种技能会让你终生受用。