Funny Talks

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A

Lady: Don’t be afraid of the dog. You know the old proverb,“A barking dog never bites.”(谚语:吠犬不咬人。)

Sam: You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?

B

Diner: Bring me some soup and make sure a fly isn’t in it. Yesterday there was a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Oh that can’t happen today, sir, because our special(特色菜)is frogs’(蛙)legs.

Diner: What’s today’s special have to do with a fly in my soup?

Waiter: Before the chef(厨师)cooked the frogs, they ate every fly in the place.

C

Traveler: Can I catch the three o’clock train to Paris?

Ticket agent(代售人): That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteenminutes ago.

D

Teacher(to pupil who is an hour late): Tommy!You should have been(本应该)here an hour ago.

Tommy: Why? What happened?

E

Teacher: If I gave you two apples and told you to give one to your brother, would you give him the little one or the big one?

Bad: Do you mean my little brother or my big brother?

F

Jeff: Today, on the school bus, a little boy fell off his seat, and everybody laughed except me.

Teacher: Who was the little boy?

Jeff: Me.

G

Grandpa Smith: My left leg is killing(使痛苦)me.

Mr Bufford: It must be old age.

Grandpa: Can’t be. My right leg is just as old as my left one, and it doesn’t hurt a bit.

H

Woodward: Do you make up(虚构)these jokes yourself?

Woodhead: Yes, out of my head.

Woodward: You must be.

注:out of ①出于,从……里面;②缺乏,没有。

I

Nurse: There’s a man outside with a wooden leg named Smity.

Doctor: What’s the name of his other leg?

J

Danny: Did the doctor treat you yesterday?

Sammy: No, he charged(收费)me twenty dollars.

注:treat有两个含义:①治病;②招待。

K

Patient: Doctor, if a person’s brain stops working, does he die?

Doctor: How can you ask such a stupid question!You’re alive, aren’t you?

L

Davy: This dog of mine is a police dog.

Dana: He doesn’t look like a police dog.

Davy: I know, he is in the secret service(谍报或特工部门).

M

Lady: My pet(宠物)is sick. Can you recommend(推荐、介绍)a good animal doctor?

Nurse: I’m sorry, lady, all of the doctors I know are people.

注:对animal doctor可有两种理解:①动物医生,②给动物治病的医生即兽医。

N

Mother: Tommy!Tommy!Why don’t you answer me?

Tommy: I did. I shook my head.

Mother: Well, you didn’t expect me to hear it rattle(发出格格声;喋喋不休)all the way in the next room, did you?