一百个问题变成一千个问题

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100 Questions Become 1000 Questions

编者按：“双语视窗”栏目从2006年开办至今，已经走过了两年的路程，这些由在华外国友人撰写的小文章，以他们在华所见所闻为切入点，生动具体地反映出东西方观念、习俗的异同，也向我们提出了一个个既有趣又值得深思的问题。栏目一再连载得益于读者反馈中的正面回应。

“不识庐山真面目，只缘身在此山中”，换一个角度，从外国友人目光的折射中审视一下，更有助于全面地了解我们自身。同时，本栏目采用英汉对照形式，这些原汁原味的英文不仅有助于加深对作者原意的理解，也是一本学习现代英语的鲜活教材。

我来中国好几年了，新来的外国人常常向我请教如何理解中国朋友、同事和邻居的想法。如果说几年来我学到了什么，那就是我有幸获得的每一个答案，又都引出了更多的问题。当我第一次来中国时，我有约100个有关在中国如何为人处世的问题。随着时间的推移，这100个问题中的大部分都有了答案。但是由于每个答案又孵化出了新的问题，如今我发现自己有1000个问题需要解答。看来我对中国和中国人了解得越多，就越觉得需要学习的实在太多了。

我所获得的有关中国人如何想、如何做的某些经验，在与朋友和同事打交道时确实有用，在大街上或商店里与人不经意接触时也很有用。一次又一次，我观察到，在某些常见的场合下中国人与西方人的举止很是不同。

比如，如果西方人发现自己处于尴尬的境地，通常会解释一番，以此使自己摆脱尴尬，而一般的中国人此时则会笑起来。这对于一个西方人来说，是需要逐步适应的。当你向某人提出一个问题，而那个人却在你面前“嗤嗤”地笑，这就很容易产生不愉快的误解。但是当理解了笑只是处于尴尬状态的一种表示，并不表明此人不理解该问题的严肃性，这就帮助我很从容地面对中国人的反应，并进而解决了问题。

下面是举止形成反差的另一个例子。当两个美国人争吵起来，嚷嚷与威胁会很快转为拳脚。或许由于美国人知道这一点，他们很少对谁喊叫或说威胁性的话，除非他们打算来一场真正的格斗。多数美国人都不想通过嚷嚷来解决争端，因为嚷嚷通常是矛盾升级的信号，并不能使问题得到解决。而在中国，有的人为区区小事就跟我大嗓门嚷嚷，并摆出一副威胁人的架式。在这种场合下，我必须牢牢记住，这大概不是拳击赛的邀请，而只是出气的一种方式。实际上，在中国，争吵很少演变为暴力，虽然我听到过很多叫喊与脏话。在当事人并非愤怒得真想动拳脚解决问题时，嚷嚷的意义又何在呢？这点对美国人来说真是难以理解。对于美国人来说，为鸡毛蒜皮的事较劲劳神，那就未免小题大作了。

另一个显著的文化上的区别则与本不想冒犯别人，但在做法上却又令人不愉快地将人冒犯了这一现象有关。当我还在美国的时候，我对于中国朋友不能说“不”很感惊讶，这会使人非常难堪。比如，我可能邀请朋友星期六晚上来家中吃饭，为了不冒犯我，这位朋友就接受了邀请，可是之后呢，星期六的晚上到来了，而这位朋友却不见踪影，我就会真生气了。显然，这位朋友只是不会说“不”，即便是在他已有约在先不便更改的情况下。渐渐地，我习惯了这种不愿表达“不”的现象，并估计在中国会再次遇到。然而我却惊奇地发现，在汉语词汇表里，“不”是个极为常用的词。说“不”是不犯错误的很保险的办法。“不，你不能那么干。”“不，那不可能。”“不行，我们没有那章程。”“不行，我们以前从来没做过。”――当你面临困难的决断时，这可是个最容易的回答。

虽说我不断地注意到自己与中国朋友之间存在的差异，但我从未由此而心烦过。反之，正是这些差异，成为了我在中国生活的调味品。它们使我的每一天以及每一次与新朋友的相识都成为令人兴奋的奇遇。

原文：

Having been in China for several years now, I am often approached by newcomers for advice on how to understand the thinking of our Chinese friends, colleagues and neighbors. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that every answer I hit on only leads to more questions. When I first came to China, I had a hundred or so serious questions about the way things were done here. Over time, most of those 100 questions have been answered. But with each answer spawning new questions, I now find myself with a thousand questions in need of answers. It seems that the more I learn about China and the Chinese, the more I realize how much there still is to learn.

Some of the lessons I have learned about how Chinese people think and act have been of real value in dealing with friends and colleagues, as well as in handling casual contacts on the street or in shops. Over and over I observe that in certain common situations Chinese and Westerners behave quite differently.

For instance, if Westerners find themselves in an embarrassing situation, they usually offer an explanation as a way to extricate themselves from their embarrassment. But the average Chinese persons will begin to laugh. For a Westerner, this takes some getting used to. When you confront someone with an issue and that person starts to giggle in your face, it can readily lead to unpleasant misinterpretations of his attitude. But understanding that the laughter is itself a sign of embarrassment, not an indication that the other person fails to understand the seriousness of the problem, helps me to take the Chinese reaction in stride and move on to a solution.

Here’s another example of a contrast in behavior:When there is a quarrel between two Americans, shouts and threats can quickly turn into physical violence. Perhaps because Americans are aware of this, they seldom start shouting and threatening people unless they’re ready for a real fight. Most Americans just don’t try to settle arguments by shouting, which usually signals an escalation of the conflict, not an impending solution. Here in China, I’ve had people raise their voices to me and assume very menacing postures over the tiniest of issues. At these times I have to bear in mind that this is probably not an invitation to a boxing match:it’s just a way of letting off steam.In fact, arguments rarely turn violent in China, although I’ve heard plenty of yelling and abusive language. It’s hard for Americans to understand what all the shouting is about when the people involved are not actually angry enough to fight over the issue. For Americans, if the matter is a small one, it’s too much of an effort to get all worked up over it.

Another cultural difference that stands out has to do with trying not to offend people - but failing miserably in the process. When I was still living in the States, I was amazed by the inability of my Chinese friends to say “no”. This could often be awkward. For example, I might ask a friend of mine to eat dinner at my place on a Saturday evening. Not wishing to give offense, the friend would accept the invitation. But then, when Saturady night came and went without a sign of the friend for dinner, I would indeed be offended. Apparently the friend just couldn’t

bring himself to say no even if he had other plans he couldn’t break. In time I became accustomed to this reluctance to say no and expected to encounter it again in China.I was amazed to discover that “No” is a very common word in the Chinese vocabulary, and much used in government offices. Saying no is a sure way not to make a mistake:“No, you can’t do that.” “No,that’s not possible.” “No,we don’t have that.” “No...because we’ve never done it that way before.” Somehow no doesn’t seem to be a dirty word anymore-it’s the easiest answer to give when facing a difficult decision.

Although I constantly note differences between myself and my Chinese friends, I’m never discouraged. On the contrary, it is these differences that are the spice of life for me in China. They make each day and each new acquaintance an adventure.省略）

责编：周瑾