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The Band
By Darren Snow
We were starting a band. Everyone was in it. In an old hole in the wall on South Street, suddenly everyone seemed to be able to play something and was looking to start a band. We talked until 7am about music and everything we would do. The next week most of the same people ①showed up at the bar and most of them were still in the band.
As the weeks passed, slowly, fewer and fewer people were in the band. Ahad been distilled, still intent on planning our sixth comeback album where we all ditched the religion that (to the shock of our fans) we had discovered for our 5th album Counter-revolutionary pagan scream queen. We planned everything from album covers to the inevitable booze-addled side projects.
Soon we had our whole career worked out. After the initial success of pirated CDs of our first single - an English language cover of the traditional Chinese song Kangding Love Song - we would ②shoot to fame. Audi would then hire us for a string of high profile ads for the A6. We would then be rich. We would blow all the money on our first album, spending six alcohol-fuelled months in Jamaica writing a concept album so good it would end world poverty. Then came our first split, where we all claimed to be the real talent behind the band...the story went on into the night and on into our 60s as the last great Las Vegas show band.
Then Jush, our inspirational front man, had an idea that changed everything. "Do you guys maybe want to ③come round to my place and we could like try to play some songs?" It seemed a big step.
Yet that Thursday three of us actually showed up at Jush's apartment to practice. We had a few drinks and played some music, jamming over each other's tunes.It was exciting to be playing guitar with people again. At one point we turned the amps up to 3 and the police came and very politely asked us to turn it down a little because it was after 8pm. They were very nice about it. More importantly, when it comes to embellishing the history of the band even more than I'm doing here it won't hurt that our first practice was so incendiary someone had to call the cops.
After the police left we went back to sorting out the details of our inevitable rise to global mega stardom. We still needed to settle on a name. With Jush's trusty thesaurus and our combined knowledge of 1980's cartoons this was no problem. The Voltrons were born. We arranged to meet for another practice next week and went home. That night I was wakened at 3am by my phone. A text from Jush...INSPRATN- HV WRTTN 3 SNGS. Things were moving fast.
Despite our months of careful planning and inaction, problems still remained. Every rehearsal room we could find the number of seemed to have closed down. Jush had met a drunken Frenchman who claimed to know a good place but would not give him the phone number. Good rooms are hard to find in Beijing and it seems no one likes to share. Eventually we found a run down prefab with tube amps and a disused pool table. The staff seemed to sleep in the control room. We turned the amps up and made some surprisingly tuneful noise.
We ④settled into twice weekly practice and some of the noise began to sound like real songs.The weeks passed and the studio's staff slowly began to warm to us, taking some time to set up the equipment and always asking if we needed extra gear. More songs began to ⑤take shape. We began to talk about playing live, perhaps trying our material out in one of the small music clubs around town, before moving on to a residency at the Workers' Gymnasium. We played a set through in rehearsal and were satisfied it would not be entirely embarrassing to play it in front of other people. After that rehearsal we had a few beers on the way home. As we left the bar a voice emerged from the murk of the hutong."Hey guys! We're off to get loaded on Chang Yu. Is this the band?" "Yeah!" It was a friend from one of the city's hot punk acts. "We just got a residency. You want to play support?" We were set. See you in Vegas.
戴润・斯诺
我们那时要组建一支乐队。每个人都参与了进来。在“（三里屯酒吧）南街”的一间老店里，所有人突然之间就好像会表演点什么了，并且都期待着组建一支乐队。我们就音乐以及所有我们要做的事情进行了探讨，直到早上7点才结束。随后的那个礼拜，这些人当中的大部分人都来到了这间酒吧，而且其中的大部分人仍旧留在了乐队里。
在之后的几个礼拜里，留在乐队里的人逐渐变得越来越少。核心成员浮出了水面，仍旧专注于筹划着我们的第六张回归专辑，（为了使我们的歌迷大吃一惊）在这张专辑里我们摈弃了我们为自己第五张专辑――《反变革异教徒吼叫皇后》发掘的那种宗教色彩。我们对所有事情都进行了策划，从专辑的封面直至那些不可避免地要在开怀畅饮时才能完成的个人作品。
不久，我们就规划好了我们整个事业的脉络。在我们第一首单曲的盗版CD取得最初的成功以后――那是一首以英文翻唱的中文传统歌曲《康定情歌》，我们将迅速走红。奥迪公司随后会请我们为“A6”的一系列重头广告助阵。我们之后就有了钱。我们会把我们所有的钱都砸到我们的第一张专辑上面――在牙买加度过酒不离口的六个月，创作一张在理念上出色得足以解决世界贫困问题的专辑。而后，我们中间就出现了第一次分裂，我们所有人都宣称自己就是那个支撑乐队的“真正”灵魂人物这个故事一直持续到深夜，并且一直持续到我们六十几岁的时候――那时我们已是拉斯韦加斯最后一支演出型乐队了。
之后，我们那个散发着灵感的主唱――朱什，想出了一个主意，它改变了一切。“哥几个也许想到我家去，我们可以尝试演奏一些歌曲？”这一步似乎意义重大。
然而那个礼拜四，我们三个人真的就去了朱什的公寓排练。我们喝了些酒并演奏了一些乐曲，相互间即兴地配合着别人的旋律。能与别人再度合奏吉他让人感到兴奋。我们曾一度把扩音器的声音调到了3级，警察来了，非常有礼貌地要求我们调小一点，因为那时都晚上8点多了。他们（这些警察）处理此事的态度非常和善。更重要的是，就美化乐队历史来说，这件事甚至比我现在在这里做得还要好――我们的首次演练就非常有煽动效果，有人不得不叫来了警察，这是件好事。
警察走了以后，我们又继续着手解决那些在我们不可避免地成为全球巨星的过程中的细节问题。我们还需要定下一个队名。有朱什那本可靠的字典以及我们对20世纪80年代动画片的汇总知识，这不成问题。“百兽王”诞生了。我们安排好下周再次排练，然后就回家了。那天晚上，我的电话在凌晨三点时把我吵醒了。朱什发来了短信……“有灵感了，写了三首歌”。事情在快速地进展着。
尽管我们数月来进行了仔细策划，什么事也没做，但还是有问题。所有我们可以找到电话的排练场似乎都停业了。朱什曾结识了一个喝醉了酒的法国人，那个人自称知道一个好地方，但却不肯告诉他电话号码。在北京找一个好场地很难，而且似乎没有人愿意（与我们）合用。最后，我们找到了一个拥有电子管扩音器和废弃台球桌的破旧活动房屋。工作人员似乎都睡在控制室里。我们调大了扩音器，制造着和谐得令人惊奇的噪音。
我们每个礼拜都固定练习两次，有些噪音听起来开始像真正的歌曲了。几个礼拜之后，录音棚的工作人员慢慢开始对我们热情起来，他们会花些时间来准备设备，并总是询问我们是否需要额外的设备。更多的歌曲开始成形了。我们便开始讨论起现场演出了，也许应该在本市的小型音乐俱乐部中找一家来试演一下我们的作品，之后再移师（北京）工人体育馆做常驻演出。我们在彩排时把完整的表演曲目都演了一遍，并且感到满意――在他人面前表演这些曲目，是不会感到尴尬至极的。在那次彩排之后，我们在回家的路上去喝了几瓶啤酒。当我们离开酒吧时，胡同里有一个声音突然在黑暗中响起。“嘿，哥几个！我们要去喝‘长裕’，一醉方休。这就是你们的乐队？”“是的！”那是一个朋友的声音，那人是本市某支当红朋克乐队的成员。“我们刚刚得到一个常驻演出的机会。你们想做暖场演出吗？”我们准备就绪了。咱们拉斯韦加斯见。