英语幽默故事

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A. We should find a teacher who eats the wind from all directions.

人们用“喝西北风”比喻吃饭几乎不花钱,可还有人认为有比这更省的吃饭方式。你知道是什么吗?

Long, long ago, there livedan old and stingy (吝啬的) couple in a village. They had a lot of fields, horses and sheep. They had only one son, but they never bought any books, exercise-books, or things like that for him. Even they didn’t want to pay the teacher. Of course, they wouldn’t teach their son. And four years past, the boy didn’t know how much one and one was.

Now the boy was eleven, he couldn’t read or write. And the teachers didn’t take him back. The old couple couldn’t teach their son themselves. They thought and thought, at last they decided to get a tutor (家庭教师) to teach the boy. They wanted a man who could work hard but eat less.

One of the villagers learned this and decided to play a joke on them. He said to the couple, “I know a young man. He can teach your son and he wants no pay.”

“Does he eat much?” the old husband asked.

“No. He eats nothing but northwest wind.”

The old husband was very happy. Just as he was going to get the young man, the old wife came out and said, “Don’t leave so quickly. What are you going to do if the wind blows from the other directions? We should find a teacher who eats the wind from all directions.”

B. I caught the man for you, sir.

众所周所,警察专抓坏人。可是有那么一天,一位警察却被路人给抓了,这是咋回事?

Both Lin Tao and I are policemen. We work in the same police station. Lin Tao is a little fat because he seldom does sports. So one day I bought him a pair of sports shoes and asked him to run every morning.

I want to know if Lin Tao really runs in the morning. So one morning, I drove my police car to the road. I saw him sitting on the side of the road. I was a little angry. Just then Lin Tao saw me, so he began to run. I drove my car after him. He ran fast.

Some people were watching us. They didn’t know what happened. Suddenly a young man ran to Lin Tao and caught him. He took Lin Tao to me, “I caught the man for you, sir. You can take him to your police station now.”

“Thank you, young man. You’re really brave.” I said. With these words Lin Tao and I had a good laugh. It made the man very surprise.

C. Where is my cat?

弗莱得 (Fred) 买了一条大鱼,叫妻子煮了供晚餐食用。妻子把鱼煮了,但Fred回到家后却一块鱼也没吃上,这是为什么呢?

Fred bought a fish in a shop and asked his wife Helen to cook it for supper. Then he left home and walked to teach his students in a high school.

“It’s so big a fish. I can ask my friends to have this fish for lunch. They like fish very much.” Helen looked at the fish and thought. Then she asked her friends to her home. They cooked and ate the fish.

When Fred came home in the evening, he couldn’t find the fish.

“Where is the fish?”

“You cat ate it just now.”

Fred said nothing. He took the cat and his wife to the shop near his home and weighed (称) the cat. Then he turned to (转向) his wife and said, “My fish weighs one kilo. This cat weighs one kilo, too. My fish is here, you see. Then where is my cat?”

D. Did you have eggs this morning?

小Bob不讲卫生,饭后不爱洗手、洗脸,人们通过他嘴边残留的食物便知道他上顿饭吃了什么。有一天,姑姑来访,看了Bob嘴边残留的鸡蛋便断言Bob上顿饭吃了鸡蛋,可这次姑姑却猜错了。这是为什么?

Bob lives in England. He is good at his lessons, but his face and hands are often dirty because he doesn’t always wash them after meals.

Bob has an aunt. One day, the aunt came to see him. She looked at Bob and said, “Bob, I know what you ate for breakfast this morning.”

“What?” Bob looked at his aunt and asked.

“Eggs.” said his aunt, “Your face and your mouth tell me that.”

“But…my dear aunt … You’re wrong!” said David, “Not today or yesterday. I ate eggs the day before yesterday.”