幽默故事6则

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1. Sand and Fur Coat(沙子与皮大衣)

Tom: Last week a grain of sand got into my wife’s eye and she had to see a doctor. It cost me thirty dollars.

John: That’s nothing. The week before last a fur coat went into my wife’s eye and it cost me three thousand dollars.

汤姆:上周一粒沙子进入我妻子的眼里,她只好去看医生,一下花了我30美元｡

约翰:那算什么｡上上周一件毛皮大衣进入我妻子的眼里,却花去了我三千美元｡

2. Coincidence(巧合)

A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.

“What a terrible voice!” he said. “Do you know who she is?”

“Yes,” was the answer, “she is my wife.”

“Oh, I beg your pardon,” the man said. “Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song.”

“I did,” was the answer.

一位女子正在唱歌,一位客人转向他身边的男子批评道:“什么破嗓子!”接着问道:“你知道她是谁吗?”

“知道,她是我妻子｡”那人答道｡

“噢,实在对不起｡”客人说,“其实她的嗓子还是不错的,只是这首歌太差劲了｡也不知是谁写了这样糟透的歌｡”

“我写的｡”那人答道｡

3. No Hoes(没有锄头)

A 24-year-old young man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when the telephone rang.

“Hello, my son,” it was his father’s voice. “What are you doing?”

“I am watching TV, Dad.”

“Where is your mother, then?”

“She is working in the garden.”

“What!” barked the father. “Your mother was ill last week and is not well enough to do hard work. Why aren’t you helping her?”

“I can’t,” was the reply. “Grandma is using the other hoe !”

一位24岁的男子正坐在沙发上看电视,电话铃响了起来｡

“喂,儿子,”电话里传来他父亲的声音,“你在干什么?”

“在看电视,爸爸｡”

“那你妈妈在哪儿?”

“她在花园里干活｡”

“什么!”父亲怒吼道｡“你妈妈上周还生病来着,现在还不能干重活｡你怎么不去帮她干呢?”

“不行啊,”年轻人答道｡“另一把锄头奶奶在用呢!”

4. Ten Cents(十美分)

Robert asked his mother for ten cents. “What are you going to do with the money?”

“I am going to give it to a poor old lady,” he answered.

“You are a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here you are. But why are you so interested in the old lady?”

“She is the one who sells ice-suckers.”

罗伯特找他母亲要十美分｡“你要钱做什么用?”“我去送给一位可怜的老太太｡”他回答道｡

“你真是个好孩子,”这位母亲自豪地说,“给你｡可你为什么对那位老太太这么感兴趣呢?”

“她是卖冰棍的｡”

5. Are You Going to Dance?(你要跳舞吗?)

Everybody was dancing while a young girl sat alone in an armchair. Just then, she was happy to see a handsome young man coming towards her.

“Are you going to dance?” asked the man politely.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“Good,” he said. “May I have your seat then?”

大家都在跳舞,一位女郎独自一人坐在扶手椅上｡正在这时,她高兴地看到一位帅哥正朝她走来｡

“你打算跳舞吗?”男子文雅地问道｡

“是的,”她小声答道｡

“太好了,”他说,“那我可以坐您的座位吗?”

6. A Hundred Per Cent(百分之百)

Patient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances to recover?

Doctor: Just a hundred per cent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten die from the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died from it, you are the tenth!

病人:医生,请您跟我说实话,我康复的机率有多大?

医生:百分之百!统计数据表明:得这种病的十个人中只会死九个｡现在我的病人已经死了九个,你是第十个｡